Been a long-time lurker/poster here in this sub, but one of the topics I don’t really see discussed often is actual successful relationships.

Speaking as someone who’s never been in love before, I’m just curious as to those who have been what it felt like and what lead to that feeling of love for you.

What has helped your relationship last so long?

29 comments

  1. My bf let me try to airplane him (not successful). That was when I knew I suspected I loved him and I’d have a blast with this guy. We also went through a pregnancy scare and he was so sweet and supportive and caring throughout the entirety of it. I think it was officially finalized when I saw how he took care of me when I was sick and brought me orange juice and continually checked in on me.

    There were a lot of little moments, but those are the big ones that made me feel like I want this guy in my life for as long as I can.

  3. I don’t have a partner now, but I believe that love is an active choice as opposed to something we stumble into. The difference between “I could love” and “I love” is intention.

  4. I’ve only been dating my partner for 10 months but he is just amazing to me. He is super generous, sweet, considerate, extremely loving and supportive, funny and just…there’s so many things. We are both in our 30s but we act like teenagers with each other sometimes with how goofy and sappy and dramatic we can get.

    Despite it not being an easy journey especially having to learn from each other and about each other and learning how to deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies and insecurities, it’s been worth it ❤️ We both share similar values and beliefs despite the fact that we are both complete opposites in many things.

    But to your question, I fell in love with him when he showed 100% commitment to me and that he was willing to do the work, make the effort, and really work together with me as a partner and not against me when things got difficult. Once I saw that devotion as well as his maturity and consistency, how could I not fall in love with him?

    I am so thankful to be with him and it’s kinda crazy to me that we are just about to hit our 1 year mark in 2 months. Because on the one hand, it feels like I’ve known him for years. On the other hand, the giddiness i feel whenever I’m with him makes it seem like we just started dating a week ago. Lol.

  5. Probably the fact that he makes me feel safe and loved. A little more than a month after meeting him I had a dream in which I want to introduce him to my grandparents, who irl have passed away years ago. Because I just knew he cared so much about me and my family would be happy to know that. He told me he had a dream of introducing me to his parents on the same day.

    I’ve never had this feeling before, not even with my ex husband. I had always picked those brilliant guys that are not big on showing affections, because that’s how I was raised. He’s the first person that is brilliant but soft and caring. I always joke that everyone around me used to be robots, he’s the only softie.

  6. He’s made what would have otherwise been a really daunting and horrible year, the bad fades away. Like on paper, I’ve had a SHIT year (deaths in family , dog getting sick multiple times, shitty work things, horrific friends causing drama) and when I think about the past year, literally all of that is just noise to what I was able to do and accomplish with him.

  7. It’s hard to pinpoint something specific. On my very first date with my fiancé, we just hit it off immediately. Our waiter even forgot about us and took at least half an hour to take our order, but we were so engrossed in conversation that we didn’t even notice. And then after dinner we went for a walk, and the moment I held her hand it was like magic. Before long… I just *knew*. We had only been dating for three weeks when I first said, “I love you.” I just couldn’t hold it in any longer (and yes, she said it back). Ever since that day, there hasn’t been a shred of doubt, fear, or insecurity. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.

  8. We were at the end of our first full-week vacation together. I knew I liked him a lot but we were going to be together 24/7 for 9 days straight, and I wasn’t sure if it would be be too much or we would clash. Well at the end of the week we got all the way to the airport before we found out our flight was cancelled. We had to scramble to rebook for the next morning, and luckily the airline gave us a voucher for a night at an airport hotel. We got there and as I was putting my bags down I realized I was giddy with excitement that this didn’t have to end and we could spend another night together. Even in a generic airport hotel with an early flight the next morning that forced me to use a personal day off from work. Because I was in love with this person.

  11. He just kept showing up. He was texting/calling scheduling dates. He was sharing parts of his life and asking about mine.

    One night he made me a nice dinner and was just okay with how that I had been sad and stressed. I was so greatful someone saw all of me and I wasn’t too much.

    Acceptance and safety made me love him. He still shows up for me. And I try to do the little things he likes since the little things are big for him.

    Oh and we make out alot.

  12. We shared a hobby which initially brought us together. Our sense of humor, lifestyle, and general vibe was in sync which basically sealed the deal. When we first started dating, I took her to the most expensive restaurant I could find where she lived and we enjoyed it. But we both get more hyped having late night pocket ramen instead. Small things like that reinforced said feelings.

    Also wrestling, we would wrestle a ton in bed but it was not even remotely sexual. I mean her thighs would be crushing my face at times but it was just two people being idots together.

    Grand gestures have its place, but I personally like the little things.

  13. He made me laugh more on our first date (which was supposed to only be a ONS) than I did my entire 10+ year marriage to my ex. We got married earlier this year and he’s still making me laugh.

  15. The odds were stacked against us, we matched on bumble during his layover at my nearest airport, but on our first in-person date, I felt like I had met my best friend. I didn’t think he was romantically interested but after the second full day of hanging out and having a blast, he kissed me and I was elated. 16 months later, we live in the same city and I’m in love. Didn’t think it would happen to me at 33 F, but just work on being the best version of you and let the chips fall where they may. You never know when luck might strike!

  17. My partner and I met on Tinder in September 2021, and we are planning to wed in September 2023. It’s been a wonderful, deep, sometimes topsy-turvy ride. I love him because he accepts me as who I am. That’s the gist of it.

  20. This is the biggest reason: When I have a problem with something he is doing, we talk about it, he LISTENS and then he CHANGES HIS BEHAVIOUR so that I’m not bothered anymore. ;3;
    This man. He is a treasure.

    Honorable mentions: He also tries to take care of all the household chores that he considers to be the most unpleasant JUST because he doesn’t want me to have to do them. We used to race over cleaning up our dog’s vomit when he threw up. I don’t have an issue with bodily fluids, so I don’t care about cleaning it up, like it’s gross but whatever. But my partner can’t clean up vomit without running the risk of vomiting, himself. And yet he still would rather make himself sick than have me clean up puke. Fortunately he lets me do it now because of all the times I suddenly had more puke to clean up because he tried to clean it up before me so I wouldn’t have to lol. 🙄

    He’s cute and he’s silly and he has such a kind heart.

    Every time he makes a silly noise and I say “you can say that again!” he REPEATS THE SILLY NOISE just because he knows it makes me happy. ;3;

  21. I was just going to post something about this.

    I’m falling in love for what may be the first time. I have been thinking about what the difference is this time and I identified two things.

    First, is me. I grew up with an unhealthy attachment style and needed to work through that before I was capable of loving (and not just replaying something unhealthy).

    Second is the answer to your question. I feel seen. The man I’m dating has been so gentle with me and has deliberately created a sense of safety for me. He has said numerous times that there’s no rush for me to share anything, but that when I do feel ready, he’ll be there. Others in the past have rushed or pried me open, so I’ve instinctively kept some of myself distanced.

    He’s someone I feel comfortable showing myself to. The real me. The inner parts of me. My deepest feelings, wishes, and perspectives. I realized that being able to drop my armour and show someone who I really am opened me up to falling in love.

    Actually falling in love. Not saying ILY because the other person did and I felt awkward not saying it back.

    I also genuinely like him. His values, the way he approaches life, how he grows, who he is, what he wants, what he likes. I like him as a friend. I want him as a lover. I’m falling in love with him.

    I catch myself looking at him affectionately when he’s doing something mundane. I feel so comfortable doing nothing but just being with him.

    In addition to all of that, we have tons in common. An uncanny amount in common. We laugh a lot and we have fun. We haven’t had sex yet, but we’ve come close and he’s incredible. We’re very compatible in bed.

    I had decided earlier this year that love is a choice I can control and not a feeling. I’m reevaluating that. Yes, I have the choice to continue seeing him, but falling in love with him doesn’t feel as controlled with him as it has in the past. With everyone else, it was something I could switch off. Even overnight, like with the last man. Now I think it’s because it wasn’t love. That just wasn’t there.

    With this man I’m dating now, I could so easily let go and sink in. I’m probably going to get my heart broken, but it feels good to actually fall in love with someone in my life.

  22. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10+ years, I have to be honest I don’t remember a specific moment when I knew I felt in love, however everyday I feel so loved by him.. here’s why

    He is always making me laugh

    We both work from home, he takes breaks to hug me 🥹

    The other day we bought a 2 pack teeth brushes, one of them was purple which is my favorite color, he choose the other one

    This is an interesting one… we know how to fight, always respectfully, knowing we love each other and no fight is more important than that

    I really think love is something you build every day

  23. I knew I loved him when we pulled over on the side of a road in the middle of nowhere and I watched him help a little goat get unstuck from a gate at a farm. There are a lot of things that made me fall in love though. Like being able to just exist together comfortably in silence, our humor, his patience, he is unconditional, and emotionally present. We are definitely best friends, and we know how to show up for each other. I think one of the most important things is how we communicate, and we are able to admit if we are wrong, apologize when it’s necessary, etc. I feel fully myself when I’m with him, we are not afraid to be silly or goofy and joyful. We are just completely ourselves.

  24. We started as a hookup because they only wanted something casual and I fully believed them and respected that. A month into hooking up and we both realize our time together isn’t feeling as “casual” as we meant for it to be. Asking them on a date and just seeing how excited they were to go out with me made me feel so cared for and I loved how that set the tone that we didn’t have to play it cool. On our second date I looked around all the people at the event we were at and thought it must be impossible for any of them to be having half as much fun as we were.

  25. He was kind, honest, genuine and trustworthy from the jump; we had similar values with family and friends and politics; he was so so smart; and he was gorgeous to look at, like sweaty palms, heart skipping a beat gorgeous. And so respectful! After 3 months of dating I had surgery and needed help and he cared for me so incredibly.
    Argh I feel so lucky every day, 7 years later!

  26. I enjoy seeing these positive threads on here. My story is that I knew that I loved my fiancée probably about 6 months into dating when she actively took part in helping me move. I mean she was looking online at different apartments, went with me to view apartments, and when I felt overwhelmed unpacking my stuff in my new apt (that she had found) she immediately drove over to bring me food and help me unpack. These are all the things that I was used to doing for someone else, but I had never had anyone that I could truly depend on like that. It was the first time I felt like, “wow she is actually going to WILLINGLY give as much as I normally give in a relationship”. Ironically the hard part was me being able to learn to receive this level of effort because I’m so used to being the “giver” in a relationship and had never been in such a reciprocal relationship before.

    It was solidified 4 months later when we went to Mexico together for my friend’s wedding. In my previous relationship every trip involved an argument at some point. With my fiancée we went to Mexico and she met my law school friends and we had an amazing time. We were in the car heading to the airport to go back to the States and I just remember looking at her thinking I don’t want to do this type of stuff with anyone else. She brings me peace. She truly makes me happy. I tell her all the time that my goal everyday is to try to make her as happy as she has made me.

  28. I’ve definitely been in love/lust multiple times prior to my current relationship of a couple on and off years. I really thought I was with “the one” multiple times. TBH I didn’t feel the same immediate love/lust interest like I did with my current SO as I did with other boyfriends, which threw me off. We were friends and were intimate, but other than that I didn’t feel much more until I had some serious crap go on with my personal life and he was seriously there for me. He didn’t run away like other bf’s have for minor things. He surprised me by simply wanting to stay with me despite some awkward and trying times. I love him for that and I hope I can do the same for him. That’s what has changed my like into love.

  29. I realised that I was having feelings towards him, when it was hard to say goodbye. It’s never been easy to be apart. It felt so easy and comfortable to be around him, most of the time. Felt so natural.

    Unfortunately it ended and it wasn’t my choice, but it was for the good of both parties. I’m still trying to heal and recover from this heartache. It’s been a lot to process. I’m not quite sure yet where this path would lead me to. I don’t want to cry anymore but it’s hard sometimes.

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