My GF has said multiple times that she wants me (24M) to initiate sex or oral without asking first. Basically not asking for consent and doing whatever I want whenever I want. We have been together nearly 5 years so I guess there wouldn’t be any legitimate problem with this. I am just kind of shy and not confident in this regard and have been programmed to be normal and ask for consent. How do I get over this? I think it would be kind of hot but every time I think about it I chicken out.
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Maybe try in bed when you guys are ‘sleeping’? That might be easier as you don’t have to show much confidence, it’s dark, and you can just start by touching her.
You are entering into kink-land which is very much all about consent. In the case of your gf’s “ravishment” fantasy, as it’s politely called, that consent is pre-negotiated at some point before the act itself.
For example: talk about what the limits are with her and what she is and isn’t ok with. Can you smack her ass? Her face? Choking? Hair pulling? Anything you may foresee coming up.
Negotiate a “safe” word… that is, a word that stands for “no” when she has reached her limit. This is in case her saying “no” “stop” etc is part of the kink and doesn’t actually mean to stop during play.
Maybe the first time set a time in advance. Like, say “at 9 o’clock tonight I’m going to start sex with you without asking.” That way there’s a little more “consensual” in your CNC.
If she has already given you consent (by asking for it) then just start out with something you might be more comfortable with. Maybe just push her up against a surface (wall, counter), pin her arms up or behind her and start kissing her; then pick her up or move her to a position where you can undress her and ravage her body. She is probably just wanting you to be more forceful or dominant. Don’t ask, just take advantage of a moment when you are hot for her.
There’s different levels to doing this.
Level 1: Your both in bed, you roll over on her. Starts kissing her lips then down her body. Take her clothes/underwear off as well as your own. Eat her out or whatever, maybe tell her to suck your cock. Then have sex. Spank her if you want to or pull her hair. Dirty talk. You took your woman when you wanted to and you was leading the way.
Level 2: You might be in the bathroom, kitchen or living room. Maybe you say something like: “I want you right now”. You pick her up maybe against the wall (kissing of course). Now you might lay her on the couch/table and undress her. Standing in bathroom perhaps? You take her when you want + switching the location from the bedroom (nice)
The more hardcore levels are untapped territory for me and I wouldn’t be able to detail it right. I just know that these levels have to be discussed before hand and be very consensual or it could end bad.
This is called Consensual Non-Consent, or CNC. You *can* fulfill this fantasy, but you need a safeword. Basically, you act out forcing yourself on her, but if she feels uncomfortable, she can end the session at any point by saying a particular word. The most commonly used safeword to stop things is “Red”. If she wants you to lower the intensity, but not stop entirely, she can use the word “Yellow”. If she wants to signal that she wants you to amp up the intensity, she can use the word “Green”.