how did you learn to stand up for yourself? was it difficult or came easy?

20 comments

1. I’ve always been able to easily stand up for myself thanks to my parents who instilled it in me not to take any shit and who supported me every time I got into a fight and listened to my explanation for it, validated it. I plan to do the same for my kids.

2. I had to get training for it in my late teens, and again when I was halfway my twenties. It’s still difficult at times, but know you’re worth it. You are worth fighting for. You are worth standing up for. You are important.

3. I made it a new year’s resolution one year many moons ago.
   It was very freeing to care about myself more than other people so I’ve kept it up.

4. I stand up for myself by saying no in a polite way first, then a firm no, and if that doesn’t work I will escalate by distancing myself from that person or if the situation is bad enough threaten to call the police and make them aware I have a weapon on me.

   Learning to say no and protect myself came with time, a hard lesson, and having more self confidence.

   As woman we are socialized to be polite at the expense of our own comfort and safety. Asserting one’s boundaries isn’t rude, self preservation isn’t rude. Once I started to prioritize myself instead of being polite above all else it was easier. I still think it’s good to be polite but not at the expense of bending your boundaries.

5. Practice…it feels awkward at first if you’re a people pleaser. Communicate what you want instead of what you don’t. I’m still learning and it’s been hard

6. Mine was a rough journey. I let people walk all over me well into my 20s.

   I work in food and beverage so it is a very male-dominated field, as I became a manager I was constantly being belittled by the men around me. Women could sense I wasn’t very good at standing up for myself so they also took advantage.

   I eventually just got tired of being burned and snapped. I was labeled a bitch for a while but feel like I’ve found a nice balance.

   I say no, I create boundaries and I stand up for others.

7. At some point my outrage became greater than my fear of being hit. I was probably around 9? I never cried about being hit after that age. I just took it and walked it off.

8. Pretty difficult, personally. I had put up with too much already and decided I had to do something about it. It took counseling and convincing from my parents and friends, but I can do it much more easily now.

9. Honestly I feel like it’s starting to come with age for me. Im 23 and I never once ever spoke my mind growing up. I guess I was just raised to be agreeable. But the more time that goes on the less and less patience I have for people and getting treated like shit

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11. It was difficult. I was brought up as a people pleaser and my entire life was making others comfortable so I wouldn’t get hurt.

12. You tube, learning to be assertive. Practiced in my workplace first, then in my personal relationships. Hard at first, keep practicing, now it’s easy.

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14. Came easy. I’m the descendant of revolutionaries. I tell myself that they do not go through a revolution for me to excuse myself from being who i am.

15. I don’t think I learned, I just forced myself to start doing it. I still don’t do it all the time, because I hate being the centre of attention and don’t want to create a scene over something relatively minor. Like I don’t know why, but people like to push in front of me in lines all the time. It makes me so mad but I feel like creating a scene would make me feel even worse. For example I’ll wait in line to order food and maybe I’ve been in line for 5-10 minutes. Finally it’s my turn to go next but someone has been slinking around, pretending to look at the food at the front like “hmm… what’s on offer today?” and when the cashier calls “next” they immediately cut in and start ordering even though they just got there and I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes! It pisses me off so badly and I know I should say “Excuse me, there’s actually a line and I was next” but then I think about the fact that they’ve already said their order, the cashier is punching it in, and it would just be an uncomfortable scene and more work for the cashier to cancel it, blah blah blah. So I just let it go and feel angry about it for the rest of the day. Not ideal.

    If someone is actually abusing me however, I will absolutely stand up for myself. Because that’s just not right. I’ve had random people on the street or on public transport yelling and swearing at me for no reason and I will absolutely yell back at them. “How rude! How dare you speak to me like that!” Let me tell you, they are always shocked when this happens. It’s like they’re used to getting away with it and they expect me to just take the abuse? But no I will not take the abuse. I grew up in a rough area and I know how to channel my aggression. I’ve actually had grown men run from me in fear, simply because I stood up to their abuse. It’s so so weird and just…sad. Pretty disgusting that they hurl abuse at you simply because you’re small and weak-looking, and they think they can get away with it. But when you fight back they look like they’ve seen a ghost and they run for the fcking hills. So stupid 🙄

16. My parents always told me I’m allowed to fight back when someone slaps me.

17. I listen to a podcast, MyFavorite Murder, the hosts often talk about how much politeness impacts things in our lives.

    For example, a person driving a car asks us for help. We feel it’s suspect, but we don’t want to offend so we potentially put ourselves in a dangerous situation.

    Or if we “F&$@ politeness” I’ve protected my personal safety and not been victimized.

    I’m definitely not explaining this correctly.

18. Still never learned. I hate confrontation. I just ignore people and block them. Better to remove them from my life then deal with them.

19. I have three much older brothers that babysat me a lot. Even though I was spoiled, they did their best to knock the “brat” part off of me. Also my older sister is very confident and that was a huge influence when she was around. My mom is friendly with everyone she meets, so I wasn’t super shy since I saw the example she set of smiling and saying hi to complete strangers. We also never had “stranger danger” as a concept even though we lived in large, dangerous cities. I seriously think putting kids through “stranger danger” concept creates huge anxieties later in life when taught inefficiently.

20. I’ll let you know when I do.