TLDR: Is it bad if I pay for theme park and other attraction tickets, restaurants and transport for my bestie and his partner, but I don’t get the tickets for myself, or eat with them?
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I’m not financially stable, but this will be our first time meeting since 2013, and it’s bad enough that they can’t stay at my house as it’s a one bedroom apartment.
But I think social etiquette suggests that I show them around my country (they’re both foreigners) and pay for everything. They’re not vegetarians while I am, so I’m guessing being a good host means taking them to places that they want to eat but unfortunately might not have anything I can eat apart from sides and beverages.
My partner says if I did that it’ll make my bestie and his partner look bad, because I’m paying for their tickets for, e.g., a theme park but I’m not going myself because I can’t afford to go. I don’t think so though, I think anyone would be happy to have everything paid for, especially when they had to pay for their airline tickets and hotel stay. I’m embarrassed that I can’t host them, I just can’t afford it.
Me and bestie have always talked about finally meeting, I’m not sure if he realises that I’m not in a good place financially, but I don’t mind spending on him and his partner, I just can’t do it for myself.
Please help. My partner thinks I may be the asshole if I paid for everything but not enjoy the theme park with bestie and his partner as it might make them look bad, might make them look cheap or selfish or something like that.
5 comments
If you can’t afford your own tickets you don’t have to buy theirs. In my world you’re under no obligation to pay for visiting friend’s activities.
>But I think social etiquette suggests that I show them around my country (they’re both foreigners) and pay for everything
What? Where did you get this from? Because it’s just not true at all.
Why are they visiting in the first place if they can’t afford to do anything else?
I think as admirable and well intended your gestures, it’s misguided. If you’re hosting them then a catch up lunch or dinner with them once in a while is more appropriate. If he’s your bestie then do a meet up for a day. I would assume they understood that they weren’t able to stay with you from the get go so they would have planned their own accommodation and such. What you’re doing is being more of a guide or organiser on behalf of a company or something. It feels impersonal. If I was in their situation I’d start to think after a while “do they not like us?” Or “are they embarrassed by us?”. Something along those lines. And if I knew that these came at the cost that you’re financially struggling I would be so devastated and insist on paying you back. The fact you hosted us speaks volumes of not only your hospitality but your trust in them as well.
So try to actually enjoy spending time with them. I travel for the people I meet and the experiences I share with them.
>I think anyone would be happy to have everything paid for, especially when they had to pay for their airline tickets and hotel stay.
I get treating them to food, but you’re under no obligation to house them or pay for their entertainment. I think you’re confusing “being a good host” with “being a people-pleaser”. They’re coming to visit so they’re responsible for their accommodations — the most you can do, if you can’t house them, is to suggest some places to stay. But you don’t have to pay for more than a few meals _that you are also part of_. _Definitely_ don’t treat them to more than that, especially if you aren’t part of that fun.
Plus, it’s common sense to not spend what you can’t afford, when that expense is not warranted. Not to mention that you haven’t seen each other in 10 years, and you may discover you don’t like your bestie as much in person as you thought, and then you’ll have spent money you can’t afford on someone you aren’t that fond of.
The whole point of them coming is to spend time with you. Plan activities you can afford to participate in as well. If they want to do other more pricey things just the two of them, that is fine.
ETA- Also take them to restaurants where you have options. People who eat meat will not die if they have a vegetarian meal