I've lost all my friends and family friends, and I have no social skills left. I've tried seeking help and no one has answers for me. Any advice is appreciated.

tl;dr: 26F haven’t talked to anyone besides my parents and boyfriend in 3 years. I’ve lost all of my friends and family friends my age. I don’t know how to hold a conversation with someone I know or someone I just met. I used to be able to speak and befriend anyone, and had dozens of friends. I’ve reached out with no avail yet, I’d really appreciate advice on how to develop social skills to reconnect with some old friends and make new ones.

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*The pandemic destroyed me. Being locked up + watching people close to me nearly die of covid + the political unrest that was brought to a head in 2020 + not being able to do any of the things I loved pre-pandemic made me shell up a bit. Still, I tried to make the best of it and do some of the things I enjoyed with friends as much as was available. Then I got really sick – problems that affect my ability to do things ESSENTIAL to who I was and what I liked to do, such as driving. The mental implications of 1. not knowing what’s going on with your body yet being debilitated and 2. finding out what’s wrong has no treatment and trying to cope with being like this forever (still haven’t accepted it but I just try not to think about it now), was enough to push me over the edge. I couldn’t bare to watch things go back to normal and people do the things I loved while I was practically fighting for my life – sometimes literlally, other times just trying to get through the basic functions of the day. I didn’t reach out to anyone, anyone who reached out to me I ignored. Having ADHD, I never was the best at responding, but that certainly didn’t help anything. Then I would see people move on without me, which hurt me even more, so I would be even less opt to want to reach out and instead filled with numbness that I lost the connections.*

*I have 0 friends. I even lost my best friend of 20 years; we didn’t get into a fight, I just stopped responding and after months of trying to get me to respond, she finally stopped reaching out. The people I do talk to that I’m “friendly” with, I just don’t know what to talk about and stay quiet. That’s social anxiety, but I genuinely don’t remember how to talk to people – friends or strangers. I am a workaholic, because when I’m working, I have an excuse as to why I’m not talking to anyone/responding. The ONLY person I have is my boyfriend, who is the most incredible person in the world and has plenty of friends. He’s very supportive and understanding of the situation; he just wants to see me get back to my old self – the person that could walk into a room and walk out with a best friend and a planned vacation with them lol.*

*I’ve been able to use work as an escape lately and essentially avoid these feelings, but my parents just got a wedding invitation for a family friend’s (the daughter my age’s) wedding that there was no doubt in my mind that I would be invited to, yet it is not addressed to me. Out of the group of the “kids” in that family friend group, I’m going to be the only one that’s not there. I’m an embarrassment of a human to myself and my family. On one hand I can’t blame them for not inviting me; I really haven’t kept in touch especially since the start of the pandemic. I just expected them to because we’ve known each other so long and I genuinely mean well and care about them, I guess I just don’t show it.*

*This is my last call for help before I completely isolate myself from every last person, for good. I’m not like actively depressed (though deep down I def am lol), I just like don’t know what to do and no one is giving me a solution. I’ve posted on reddit before and received no help. I just hope that this time is different and someone on this sub can suggest something to me. I’ve talked with my therapist who can help treat the anxiety side of things, but she isn’t a social skills expert. This isn’t just typical social anxiety – this is not having talked to anyone but my parents and boyfriend for 3 years. I’ll try/pay for whatever if it actually helps me get on my feet, I just don’t know who to turn to. I’m open to reading books, listening to podcasts, joining groups, social skills classes, therapy, etc., whatever it takes. Every day that goes by is just another day that someone else I care about hurts me (moves on without me), and I just want to stop the bleeding if that’s possible.*

*I’d like to have the social skills to make new friends as well as reconnecting with some of the original people in my life. Whoever doesn’t want to be my friend that’s fine, I’m just looking for the tool kit to be able to reconnect and put the ball in their court not mine.*

Thanks so much for the help.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. Losing friends and feeling disconnected from people can be incredibly isolating and can have a serious impact on our mental health. It’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed.

One thing you might want to consider is seeking out professional help from a therapist who specializes in social anxiety and social skills. A therapist can work with you to develop strategies for building and maintaining friendships, as well as addressing any underlying anxiety or other issues that may be contributing to your difficulties.

In the meantime, there are a few things you can try on your own to start reconnecting with people and building new friendships. First, try to focus on building connections with people who share your interests and hobbies. This can be a great way to find common ground and start building meaningful relationships. You could also try joining a club or group that focuses on one of your interests, which can provide a natural way to meet new people and make friends.

Another thing you can do is to be proactive about reaching out to people and making plans. If you have old friends that you’ve lost touch with, try reaching out to them and see if they’d like to get together for a coffee or lunch. If you’re feeling nervous about reaching out to people, remind yourself that you’re not alone – many people struggle with social anxiety and finding it hard to connect with others. Just remember to be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time.

Finally, remember that it’s okay to take things slowly and be patient with yourself. Building friendships takes time, and it’s important to be kind and understanding with yourself as you work on rebuilding your social connections.

I hope this helps, and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need more support. Take care of yourself.

1 comment

UnlockingDegree says:
December 8, 2022 at 1:34 am
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. Losing friends and feeling disconnected from people can be incredibly isolating and can have a serious impact on our mental health. It’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed.
One thing you might want to consider is seeking out professional help from a therapist who specializes in social anxiety and social skills. A therapist can work with you to develop strategies for building and maintaining friendships, as well as addressing any underlying anxiety or other issues that may be contributing to your difficulties.
In the meantime, there are a few things you can try on your own to start reconnecting with people and building new friendships. First, try to focus on building connections with people who share your interests and hobbies. This can be a great way to find common ground and start building meaningful relationships. You could also try joining a club or group that focuses on one of your interests, which can provide a natural way to meet new people and make friends.
Another thing you can do is to be proactive about reaching out to people and making plans. If you have old friends that you’ve lost touch with, try reaching out to them and see if they’d like to get together for a coffee or lunch. If you’re feeling nervous about reaching out to people, remind yourself that you’re not alone – many people struggle with social anxiety and finding it hard to connect with others. Just remember to be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time.
Finally, remember that it’s okay to take things slowly and be patient with yourself. Building friendships takes time, and it’s important to be kind and understanding with yourself as you work on rebuilding your social connections.
I hope this helps, and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need more support. Take care of yourself.

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I’ve lost all my friends and family friends, and I have no social skills left. I’ve tried seeking help and no one has answers for me. Any advice is appreciated.

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