I’m a 23 year old guy, I just finished my bachelors degree and I’m about to start an MBA. I live at home in my small town and work part time so that I can continue doing internships until I’m qualified for the real thing.
After years of apathy, I found a career goal for myself. It drove me to work hard in school for the first time ever, and even got me the internship I have now. This summer, I have a real shot at an amazing opportunity that would basically make me “qualified” for a job in my desired field.
While I have a lot of pride about this, I also feel a bit of grief, because I haven’t put much energy into meeting new friends or even trying to meet women. I spent my last relationship constantly apologizing for not being able to hang out more than twice a week, and that left me feeling like I’ll always have to choose between investing in a relationship and investing in my career.
Now I’m starting to feel lonely for the first time in a while. I’m moving into a new stage in my life, and I want someone to share it with. But I also feel like now is the time I should be alone and fully focused on achieving my personal goals, and that dating will just distract me.
So I’m just looking to hear some experiences of people who sacrifices one for the other, and better yet – people who were able to invest time in both their personal goals and a relationship.
6 comments
You can do both, just remember to always put yourself first imo.
I did this. By the time I turned 30 I had a house, $450k net worth, and job paying almost $150k a year. I’d trade all of those things in a heartbeat to find the person I’m supposed to be with. I’d rather be in a small apartment with a person who makes life worth living than a beautiful empty house which feels like a monument to my meaningless “success.”
If you don’t want to be me, you need to find a balance between your personal life and financial/career goals. Don’t be reckless with your money but don’t be a dragon sitting on a pile of gold avoiding the occasional $100 Friday night out with your friends, or a date.
I dedicated my 20s to my career, working a lot of bad jobs for little pay to “pay my dues”, with my hard work promising to pay off.
Instead I got terminal cancer at 28.
Spent 3 years in treatment, lost everything I worked towards, tons of medical bills, and all my friends in my same career field who were also paying their dues eventually got my dream job, all while I was in chemo or surgery.
But it’s okay now. Turns out I wasn’t terminal after all, I’m cancer-free and finally putting my life back together. If my friends made it, so can I (and now I have friends in higher places to help me out!).
That said, I worked really hard through my 20s and had I died, it never would have mattered. I didn’t travel because I was saving money/working. I missed important social events for really shitty jobs. I didn’t date much (I was going to focus on that after my career was set), I missed time with friends and family. It still feels like it didn’t even matter, although I tell myself the experience and skills I learned are still there at least.
Don’t postpone enjoying your life. Do both. You never know if that future you’re betting on will even happen. Don’t waste time.
I came from a very poor family and was the first to graduate in my family. During college I mingled about and had fun in the college dating scene, but when i graduated college I made a decision that I would focus solely on career to ensure I never have to live like that again. Fast forward 10 years of hard work and grinding my way up my career and I’m finally at a place where I can feel somewhat safe for my future. When you boil things down, I made a trade-off, my grinding though my 20s for some financial stability. For some it is unnacceptable, for me it was well worth it. There is always a risk, giving up something for delayed gratification, you could fall ill etc, but it can often give you better returns, so that’s what I did.
Am looking forward to start to date next year. Was it lonely? Yes a little, but I learned to find my own purpose, my hobbies and who I am, and have learned to enjoy the time to myself. But I am ready now in my 30s to get out there.
I do realize I will be quite rusty, but I’d like to think over the last few years I bettered myself enough to be an all-around balanced person through habits and self-improvement. I work out, I’ve learned to cook, I’m a clean person, I’ve made sure my mental health remained in check, even during the more stressful years, and I’m not hard on the eyes if I may say so myself.
Of course dating in my 30s means I may be encountering more people who are more serious about finding a partner, and that is perfectly fine with me, I never was the hookup type of person, but that is something you have to keep in mind if you are thinking of putting dating off for most of your 20s since you may very well be missing that window of uninhibited passionate young love. I don’t know if there will be something like that in my 30s, but who’s to say. Either way, I myself don’t have regrets, and in my 30s I still feel young and am up for the new challenge.
Having said all of them, maybe you can find a balance that is right for you. I went on one end of the extreme, but it is certainly not necessary in every case, depending on what your career demands of you.
Well I dunno.. I put dating off in my 20s for personal goal. I’m still working on myself and it’s been 6 years and I’ve loved it. But then again I’ve never had a good relationship because every guy I met or meet bring too many problems so I just focus on myself. I haven’t dated or even slept with anyone the whole time. I’d like someone to be with but honestly it’s not always as great as people make it out to be. I hope you figure things out OP.
I guess you could say I balanced the two, but I’ve never really cared much about my career other than not having to work a ton of hours and having enough money to not have to stress about money. I’ve always put relationships and my health and well-being ahead of my career.
But I’m 30 now, and in my 20s I managed to accrue a bachelors degree, a house, and a successful-ish business all while dating and having plenty of fun. And I think I’ll end up marrying my current girlfriend and settle down and have kids.
You’re only young once. Working hard to get ahead is fine, but don’t sacrifice living your life now just to look at a bigger number on your bank statement when you’re old.