I can’t remember clearly but there was this one episode in sex education where this girl tries to lose her virginity but it won’t go in because her vagina was ‘closed’ somehow? They explained how it was some sort of condition due to her not being ready, and I think I have the same thing. I’ve never masturbated before, never used a tampon, nothings ever been up there and I don’t know if anything can. I’ve tried a couple times to put a few fingers in at it was just uncomfortable. Either I couldn’t get them in or it was too uncomfortable to keep trying. I have a bf now and I think I’m ready, but I’m just scared of this issue. I’m not sure what to do, I’m totally ignorant in this area.
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Putting 18f was a mistake bruh. Can weirdos stop lurking on subreddits that are supposed to be educational
The condition you’re referring to is called vaginismus. Look it up and see if it matches your experiences.
My ex had all the same fears that you do, but easing her into it and making sure she was relaxed resulted in her losing her virginity practically painlessly
Same boat-21f who’s never used tampons even and only just started even trying to put anything up there. Slow and frustrating process but it is possible. Take things as slowly as you need, have sex without penetration if you havent and work up to that
It’s normal that you’re feeling anxious about your first time.
Also, I’m a dude so take this with a grain of salt.
Vaginas stretch a lot, as they’re supposed to open enough to fit a baby’s head through it.
However, normal activities do not stretch a vagina permanently! The fact that you’ve never masturbated or put on a tampon does not mean anything else can not fit in. Those activities do not stretch the vagina forever.
Vaginismus as far as I know is either caused by anxiety or biological conditions that you were born with. Remember that sex existed before tampons.
Be sure to take things slowly and use lube if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Remember you can stop at any time if you’re not enjoying it.
I highly highly HIGHLY recommend reading the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I’ve learned a lot from it and wish I read it when I was your age.
My first time I was so nervous and tense it hurt too much to try to put it in. But kissing and touching and grinding on each other might help get you ready, physically.
My best advice is to try to relax your body. The more stressed about it the more tense your body will be, which will make it more uncomfortable.
I realize that the first time is a very nerve wracking experience, but try to remember to breathe. A few big deep breaths can help relax muscles. Hopefully your bf will be patient and gentle too. Good luck!
While it could be nerves making it hard to put in anything it could also be medical. As stated by some other people vaginismus is a possibility. It could also be a hymen issue. I had a very tight hymen so it was actually painful to use tampons. After talking with my Gyno she suggested I use vaginal dilators to stretch my hymen. I used them before having sex for the first time and it made my first time much more enjoyable.
Possible medical issues aside, you don’t need penetration in order to masturbate and having your first sexual experience when you haven’t even started discovering your own body isn’t something I would recommend personally.
But before you go to the doctor, to me personally it doesn’t sound like vaginismus. Were you aroused when you tried to insert your fingers? Because if not, there is no wonder why it was uncomfortable. Vagina needs to be lubricated in order to make penetration comfortable. That’s why so many people use lube.
Don’t rush into things you’re not ready to do just because you have a boyfriend and you don’t want to make him wait. Figure out yourself first, go get yourself checked in case you keep suspecting that you in fact have vaginismus and only then do something.
First of all: do you want to have sex? Are you craving it? You don’t mention anything of the like in your post, you say “I have a bf and I think I’m ready” just because you have a bf doesn’t mean you need to have sex. Take it easy. You’re young. When you’re ready you’ll know. Tbh it doesn’t sound like you are, you just sound scared, which is normal.
Alternatively, you can just force yourself to have sex despite your fears and push until it feels right 🤷♀️ It’s your call but it doesn’t sound ideal tbh
You aren’t obligated to take advice from a 50ish woman but here it is. If you only “think” you are ready, you aren’t ready. You should be 100% sure that this is the one and that you are ready.
I had the same problem when I was younger. It’s probably an issue of you being nervous and psycing yourself out so you’re not wet enough? I’d buy some lube to make the process more comfortable
I recommend trying to insert things in yourself when you are relaxed. If you are nervous, it’s going to suck. This goes for PIV as well of course. If you are not properly excited, PIV won’t be fun for you and will just hurt you. Lube is also amazing.
Your feelings are valid. For your first sexual encounter, you don’t even need to engage in PIV in order to have fun and be satisfied. Communicate with your partner about your fear and discomfort around PIV. A good lover will take that into account and help you have the best time possible.
You’re not ready. Until you’ve explored yourself and are completely comfortable by yourself with yourself, you’re not gonna be ready for someone else. Take your time and don’t hurry yourself. If he’s a good guy he’ll understand and wait as long as it takes, and if he’s not ok with that, you’re way better off without him.
Buy a set of vaginal dilators from Amazon or eBay. They are like training dildos that start small (tampon or finger size) and go up to about the size of a penis. Get yourself nice and aroused and try to insert them. When the biggest one is no longer painful you can try to have sex with a real penis. It’s about training your body to get used to having things inserted.
Try and put a tampon in. I was just like you I was horrified of that alone and put it off for YEARS. it wasn’t til I was like 19 or 20 years old I said to myself I’ll just try again, and I relaxed and it slipped on in no issues. I was like oh that wasn’t bad lol.
Around that same year I lost my vCard lol
Please for the love of god don’t take anything that sex education says at face value. Its a comedy not a educational show.
I was the same way!! I was like that until I lost my virginity more recently at 21. My boyfriend and I actually started with a small toy because he’s well endowed. The vibrating of the toy made it easier for me to be “warmed up” and allow it inside. It was definitely uncomfortable and I needed a lot of lube for it at first. I’ll let you know that the some of the first times were unsuccessful. He’d accidentally hurt me and then soften because he felt bad, which caused me to be insecure and a bunch of other stuff. We just had to keep trying or take a break and try again later. Now, I’m still very closed unless I’m really warmed up, but we’ve gotten to the point of not needing lube at all! It just takes baby steps and a LOT of patience.
Not discounting what youre afraid of, if you feel there is a legit medical cause for concern you should absolutely get looked at.. But, Im only saying you should relax and let it happen when you feel ready… My ex had a very tight vagina, especially our first few times.. but after a few experiences, when she would get worked up and comfortable, she would absolutely “open up”. The more comfortable and relaxed (albeit worked up) you are, the “looser” you’ll get.. Its not a permanent looseness by any means, just happens when you’re horny and in the right situation.
Take your time and dont force it! Your time will come
It’s okay to have these feelings, I felt the exact same way when I was your age. But if you meet the right person who’s willing to either guide you and teach you or guide each other that’s what matters most. And don’t rush it too you’ve got a lifetime to perfect it. Also personally I never liked fingering myself even when stimulated it felt weird
Have you talked with your boyfriend about your concerns?
Ask your bf to take it slow with you. Foreplay is your absolute best friend, and some people need a lot of it before p-in-v sex is comfortable.
My personal rule with my girlfriend is fingers first. If even that doesn’t feel good, then more time and foreplay is definitely needed. It’s one I’ve used for myself, too (I’m nonbinary but I’m born female). And if your boyfriend doesn’t respect that, I wouldn’t recommend holding onto him.
Best wishes, no matter what you decide to do!
I was the same way until very recently. I couldn’t get a tampon up there, I couldn’t even fit a finger. And it’ll be uncomfortable anytime something enters for the first time. It could be vaginismus, or it could be you’re too anxious and not aroused for it to work. Try finding things to turn you on, it’ll loosen you up and try one finger. If that doesn’t work and it’s more so painful than a little bit of discomfort…. I would see a doctor.
Make sure you’re really warmed up beforehand and please use lube!!! I think these are actually common fears but I believe you’ll be okay. Just please be sure you’re actually ready. ❤️
Hymen is a thin piece of tissue located at the opening of the vagina. The hymen needs to be open to allow menstrual blood and normal secretions to exit the vagina. Hymens come in different shapes and thicknesses. Sometimes riding a bike will start to tear it other times it might take more effort. Some blood might appear but it goes away.
It would be better…maybe, if you got a toy, lots of lube, and did the job yourself. Maybe after a few orgasms? Unless your young BF has lots of experience and empathy, he may not be as careful as you need him to be.
Yes, women can lock up, but I’ve never been with anybody who ever did. I believe it’s not all that common but, obviously, not unheard of, either.