I feel unhappy and i don’t know what to do. Me 20M and my gf 18F
Hi, I don’t know where I can find help so here I am and I need advices from others.
So the story is pretty hard to understand but here I go. I’m 20M and I’ve been dating this girl 18F, since sept2020 she’s my type, she’s funny, cute, full of joy and makes me feel sometimes lucky. I’m in love for real.
We had 7 months where we had great times, everything was good except argument on everything she could think of, even stupid things like “I have no chocolate at my house and you didn’t bring some to me”… But this was fine with me, I comforted her, stayed by her side… Then suddenly she decided to end things with me but just by removing the label of a relationship. I was in love so I accepted it, for almost a year she hid me from everyone, friends, family, while I didn’t hide our “secret” relationship, because she wanted my friends to know. She felt more confortable that way so I did for a year and I never asked in return. She pretended for that year that she wanted to remove the label because she felt uncomfortable and stressed about her parents that are overprotective. So I was ok with it.
Feb2022 I woke up and I felt somehow something suspicious, she went trough me in Apr2021 to have information about a guy for a supposed friend of her group. I gave her the info because i knew the guy he’s one of my friend’s little brother. From then I forgot almost about him and her affaire because we still dated at that time.
So back to February I wanted answers for this period because something felt weird since then but I ignored it. When I asked she said that she crushed on a lot of guys since but it wasn’t serious because she had me and loved me so she wasn’t gonna look anywhere else, then she said she caught feelings for my friends little brother and I felt betrayed. She said it wasn’t serious because all she did is talk to him and try to get his attention. She took me for granted because she knew I wouldn’t leave anyway and she admitted it because she even used me for my money at first. I felt brokenhearted because all this time I stayed loyal to her. So I argued with her and she wanted to end things with me, so I did mid February… I’ve focused on myself and I stayed from Feb to June with my friends and I kissed two girls along the way but I felt guilt. I still loved her so I just tried to avoid this girls from then. In the end of June she wanted to start our relationship all over again. I was ok with it so I said yes because i felt better after all and i thought she understood my argument. I still had on of the girls (A) that i’ve talked to those months, she was just being friendly, wanted a relationship with me but I was not ok with it and i’ve shown her that i didn’t want a relationship with her.
So we dated and my gf wanted to know what i did this past months because she discover that i kissed 2 girls and that i went out regularly. I said to her that it was a big mistake because since i ended things with her i still loved her anyway. She said everything that she did and she confessed that she tried to move on and that she had a crush, but then she said she had feelings for me and him at the same time and that i didn’t need to worry about him because he didn’t want her. So i wasn’t ok with it, i told her to block him, she hardly did it and she wanted me to block (A) so I did.
While this 2022 summer she told me she wasn’t comfortable about my past and she wanted me to get rid of my friends that have help me trough this hard time, so i did. I blocked them all. At the start of school year 2022-2023 she made friends at her school and forbidded me to go to mine because she didn’t trust me with the girls that were there. I agreed, I lost my school and job with it. I started to trust her a lot more and she agreed to not hide me anymore from anyone, in exchange she asked me to get rid of my bestfriend that i knew for 13y of my life, he’s like a brother to me. I did like a fool. She wanted me to get rid of the contact i have with my parents because my parents aren’t supportive of this relationship because they want to know her before giving their blessing. i live with my grandparents so i agreed. Now I have no one but my grandparents and her and I have no one left.
She keep on hurting me but I love her, for example yesterday she said to everyone around her that we broke up and somehow she said to me “You hide our relationship to your parents, i’ll hide it from my friends” but it doesn’t make sense for me, I’ve never hide our relationship to anyone. Now she controls me everytime, she wants proof wherever i go so she can see who’s with me all the time, so i do not even go out except to see her. I am unhappy but I love her too much. She always try to confort me and show me that she love me, but everyday it’s arguments on arguments because i do not answer after a minute while i’m in the toilet or something. She’s always taking so much time to answer, hours etc… while she’s at school she ignores me and she doesn’t even care about me, for example i had an accident this week, we used my motorcycle to go eat at her midday breaks but now that it’s broken we can’t use it. When i had the accident i told her that i wanted to see her and she said “you have no motorcycle anymore we can’t see each other”. When i had the accident she didn’t even asked for hours how i was doing.
I’m completely lost, everytime we have an argument she startes it and always try to be right even if she’s wrong. She threat me everytime to end this relationship but i’ve changed for her and done a lot of things for her. She’s cold to me all day by messages or calls and when i see her she’s acting weirdly. She always wants to go to her college party or eat with her friends, at first i let her because she didn’t hide our Relationship but now that she does i don’t know what to do about it. Something feels off, feels weird. She wants control i know but i allow it even if i’m not enjoying it. I’m in love with her and i always try to find a problem fixing, but now i can’t. I love her but i feel like it’s the end of my own self, i have nothing anymore and not even what i want from her.
I love her but damn all of that hurts because I have no one anymore, no friends, bad relationship with my family, no best friend, no one. I’m unhappy and i know it’s my fault that i’m unhappy because i don’t take action…I don’t know how should I do
I hope that someone can help and give me advice about it.
I had to get it of my chest so here it is.
Thank you for reading. Wish you the best guys !
4 comments
She is way too controlling and a total nightmare. You would be well rid of her. No one should *ever* tell you who you can or cannot have a relationship with (*especially* your own parents- that is a huge 🚩).
This is toxic behavior bro. You’re young and so is she. I suggest that you both amicably split and stay away from each other.
You’re in an abusive relationship what she’s doing is called isolation, please leave her and unblock your friends and try to regain your friendships, talk to your parents and apologise for what’s happened and explain.
She is extremely controlling she made you lose your job, your school, your friends and your family please leave her and block her so she can’t try and worm her way back in.
Okay, here’s the real talk: when it comes to picking a partner, love doesn’t matter.
Let’s pretend relationships are loaves of bread. Flour is fundamental to bread, you have to have it but it’s not what makes the bread taste good. The stuff that makes bread taste good is salt and other possible additions. Flour is just basic, it’s required for the bread to exist but it’s not something you take into account when choosing a yummy loaf.
In this metaphor, flour is love. Love is a fundamental part of relationships. Love will always be a part of your relationships. Love is not what makes the relationship good. Communication, care, willingness to compromise, etc…THAT is what makes a relationship good.
Love is a stupid reason to stay with someone. You will also love the next person. It’s a basic requirement. so, choose your relationships based on that stuff that matters.