My guy bestfriend finally confessed his feelings to me in the middle of the year and I felt the same way. We were already pretty intimate (not physical) but I told him we couldn’t date at the time because of the circumstances in my life. (i was still stable at this point)
Fast forward to September when 2nd year of uni started, we were neighbors half the week and became friends with benefits (but with feelings?) He asked me again if we could date. We have sex, say ily, and do intimate things together, but again i couldn’t agree to officially commit because of my current situation but he said he’d wait. Though we aren’t exclusive, we haven’t been involved with anyone else. He chooses not to because he seriously wants a relationship with me.
He claims the current arrangement is alright with him but i’m eventually going to have to give him an answer because he needs the reassurance from a label and he can’t keep clowning around forever (which I 100% understand and agree with) He says doesn’t know until when he’d hold up but I insisted he gave me a deadline. I have until the end of the year to decide.
[THE SITUATION]
I love him so much but i’m afraid to that my life rn won’t allow me to fully commit to a relationship with him the way i want to. I simply lack the time. Though it’s something we might figure out together, I worry that it’ll be counter productive.
For context, we’re both in uni (completely different fields) and i’m 2nd year engineering student involved in extracurriculars. Given that, I’m busy and have a-lot on my plate. I’m in a course I don’t wanna take, have bad grades, and can’t make time for myself, family or other things I wanted to prioritize as-well. I’m still figuring out how to balance my life. Also, my parents will never allow me to date anyone till i’m on my 4th year.
^ I became somewhat unstable on my 2nd year of uni and have lots to figure on my own (he is well aware of this). I used to make reason that I’d be spreading myself too thin if I had to commit to him but he’s always been supportive, never wants to get in the way and understands where he stands in my priorities.
My time with him, intimate or not has always made things less stressful for me. I honestly couldn’t ask for more. However i’m always on the recieving end and I feel bad for not being able to reciprocate. But he always insists that he’s content with the time we have and the way we spend it (usually sex/cuddles/study dates).
We aren’t dating yet, but I want to be able to go out on wholesome dates with him (even occasionally cos we’re still students) But to do that healthily, i’ll have to sacrifice some of my priorities, something I’m not sure I’m willing to do. He isn’t asking for this and understands that I can’t rn, but it’s really something i’d want to offer if i were to commit to anyone.
[TLDR]
Knowing this, I’ve been getting the benefits, hoping my life would turn around and i’d be able to wholeheartedly agree to date him once I really had to give him an answer. Though I’m actively trying to make everything work i’m afraid i’m going to have to let go of our chances of dating. (Even though we’re basically dating already)
As his best friend, Ik i shouldn’t be selfish and should just let him go now. Our relationship will surely change, might not even be friends anymore. It’s going to hurt a-lot.
Because we’re already so far in that we’re practically dating (just not calling it that), he says we can take it slow once it’s official. Should I even be breaking up with him? If i push through, how am I supposed to do this?
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[EXTRA]
I’m starting to feel jealous of our close mutual girl friend who can spend time with him when i’m not around. I feel selfish for not wanting them to hangout because I can’t even give him the time but c’mon, they went to a museum, got mani-pedis and regularly run errands together. He’s nice to everyone (not flirty at all). I have nothing against her and completely trust that it’s platonic both ways, I’m just jealous that they’re able to spend time like that I can’t give him that. (I’ve brought this up to him)
I also feel like since my life has been more hectic, and things have been more physical with him, we’ve had less time to really talk and have meaningful conversations. Something we used to do a lot when we were purely friends.
Maybe a part of me misses this and wants to back out of the relationship, thinking we can go back to doing these things again.
I’m someone who is also very busy. Full time job, full time extra curriculars, friends, hobbies. I’m 30 now. When I was in university I was the same way. Some people just pack their lives and always feel like they’re running from one thing to the next. What I’m trying to say, is you’re probably always going to feel like this. You’re probably always going to be busy, and have other priorities. There’s not enough time in the day for some people. It will -never- be the perfect time to date, so you can’t keep waiting for it.
From the bottom of my heart I’m asking you to add him into the mix fully, and take a chance on him. If he’s really your best friend and you can imagine spending your life with him, and there’s nothing telling you that he’s just convenient or a bad fit, try for real. You’ve already been doing it, you’re just scared to admit it. Don’t break both your hearts because you think you should give him x when he’s happy with y. It sounds like he likes the domesticity of hanging around and doing homework works for him. You can set one day a month aside to go to the museum or have a real date. I know your life feels out of control, but he’s willing to work around that and grow with you. Let him try.