Contrary to conventional advice, my belief is that social skills (which I think is a misnomer, but I digress) aren’t about the words you utter, but rather the expression of your perception of the world.
It doesn’t matter how sweet your words are, how smooth your quips were, how much you made others laugh. When it truly boils down to knowing someone, everyone has to go back to the most primitive form of conversation: 1v1, pouring out their true feelings of either the person they’re talking to, or any other topic of interest. And I’m not talking about “I love you” kind of stuff. I’m talking about what I know about this person, what I like, what I don’t like, and how that might extrapolate to how that person might view other people or other things. Because it’s only at the end of these conversations do I see how someone truly is, whether for good or bad. It’s the difference between “I hate that person’s guts because they talk really loudly”, and “well, they did steal my wallet, but if they’re doing that then it means there’s probably something more severe happening in their lives”. This is where genuine friendships can be found. It doesn’t take a Casanova to know which person I’d want to be friends with. The question is, which one are **you**?
Forget the minutiae of making strong eye contact, or mirroring someone’s body language, or all that kind of stuff. Look inwards, and question yourself with the utmost honesty. Are you being nice out of fear? Or out of understanding?
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Or even start with: “Are you thinking nice things about yourself?”