I’ve (34m) been with my partner (30f) for about 2 years. Sex is frequently but when I think about it it’s super vanilla. Tonight we had her Xmas party, afterwards we went back to my office to grab my stuff. There was no one around as it was 11pm. I tried my luck but she made a point to say no because it was a worn space and someone might turn up.
I stopped straight away but then thought about it all the way home and realised the sex has been super vanilla. She won’t have sex outside or in daylight or positions that aren’t the standard 3. I’m getting sick of this and am wondering if we have a chance of lasting if the sex will be like this. I’ve tried talking to her but nothing changes. It’s ok if it’s not her thing but I don’t want a life of sex like this
4 comments
Maybe Nothing? It’s what she likes and is comfortable with and pushing her to do things she doesn’t want to do is not cool. I’d say most people are uncomfortable with public sex. I guess the thrill is in getting caught and possibly arrested but maybe that isn’t a thrill to her and just is scary and causes unnecessary anxiety?
Up to you if boring sex is a relationship ender. Certainly lots of guys would be happy with lota of vanilla sex vs. No sex.
yeah it might just not be her thing, some people like to just keep it in the bedroom where as others don’t. Just two different likes. if i was in her position i would hope that you would bring it up in a convo, express your concerns and if it is a dealbreaker for your marriage then leave obviously so nobody’s time is being wasted.
Some people like to have public sex and the thrill with it and some don’t ! Don’t try to push her into something she isn’t into or don’t even try to make her feel bad about it. You should lern to respect her boundaries and if that is a HUGE deal breaker for you then I think this relationship is doomed to fail.
Maybe you can talk to her about having sex in different places around the house/apartment like kitchen , shower or living room
>I don’t want a life of sex like this
That’s good that you know that but if your partner is super vanilla then there’s no magic wand to turn her kinky. It means realizing that you’re probably not with the right person, sexually.