Hi. I know these subjects have been posted so often.
However, someone suggested some books and youtubers on a previous post I made. Adam Lane Smith was one of the suggestions. This video and others where he talks about Social Anxiety & Attached problems was very informative & for me a ‘wake up call’ so I thought I’d share.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PtN3UN69Cb0
Personally, I am 35M, single, no children, & have one friend I call maybe once a month (he lives far away). I often feel Alone.
family: I have no children or partner. I was lucky to have parents that did a lot for me, however they also parented by fear, criticism, having no boundaries, etc. I still talk to my parents, but I would Not call the relationship positive, open, & honest. I feel like I have little in common with them. I don’t confide in them or w. anyone. I have a sister and our relationship is getting better.
dating: I had terrible low self esteem & social anxiety into my 20s. Then I learned CBT which helped a lot. I’ve dated & had a few LTRs that did not last either due to my Attachment & behaviors or it was them. I can’t fully blame myself for each past LTR ending, but I can recognize now the behaviors that pushed partners away.
I don’t mean to vent or be overly personal in this post, but this video was a ‘wake up call.’ I really need to make more friends and connect with people. Life should not be this Lonely. I want a lasting LTR w. someone I deeply connect with.
Q: Anyone have Advice &/or resource suggestions for learning more about Attachment & Anxiety?
Q: Anyone have Advice on how & where to make Friends?
Thank you
4 comments
Hey brotha 34(M) here. I find trying to do self therapy too hard and one sided so I would suggest finding a real therapist who specializes in anxiety and attachment issues if you can afford it. I’ve done a lot of self work but I found having someone ask the right questions really helps focus you in a direction to more self discovery and ways you can help yourself.
When I was single I got involved with singles group on Facebook that did events all the time specifically to meet others. I would suggest something like that. Or if you like sports or competitive anything find a league to join and you can meet people that way. If you have a hobby find a Facebook group or something similar and get involved with it.
Change is hard. I have ADHD and have suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It takes me a tremendous amount of effort to put myself out there and make the changes I know I need to. Meeting new people can be as hard or as easy as you want it to be. If your mental health isnt right it’s gonna be hard for the things you want to implement to stick.
http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl I took this test to see what type of attachment style I had. This could help narrow your focus a bit.
You can Google attachment and anxiety and get a PhD on it based on all the articles and stuff on the internet covering the topic. I get overwhelmed by data overload and usually give up after hyperfocusing on it for a day. That why I recommend therapy to kind of keep my progress on track and learn new things.
Just know it’s ok to have anxiety towards something but if you challenge yourself to push through it is when growth occurs. Also look into mindfulness and see if you can start even with 5 minutes of practice. It can really help not getting stuck on autopilot and help with focus.
I know my ADHD ass has been all over the place with my advice but I hope some of it has helped and I wish you good luck on your growth. Be courageous and take care, friend.
We never did emotions in my family, but its obvious my siblings and I inherited crippling anxiety from our dad.
I knew it really affected him but he carried it well. I tried so many ways to explain why I felt alone and anxious even though life was going well. Over Christmas I asked him how he dealt with it.
Answer: what choice is there? I’m a strong man with a problem to deal with. So I dealt with it.
No solutions or cure, just constant maintenance. You’re a strong dude that’s lonely, send a text to a friend, start conversation randomly, whatever. Everyone is busted a little and needs help, just start.
Also if you’re super depressed message me and I’ll be happy to chat
Hi, 19(M) here. Hope I’m allowed here. I have a good idea btw. Why not get a dog or two and take them on walks frequently. You might have a chance at finding new people at the parks or elsewhere. And dogs are the only real beings on the planet. Even though it may take a while, I guarantee you won’t regret having a dog accompany you all the time. Just like John Wick once said, “Dogs are cute and friendly”… so yeah, get a dog, i’d suggest a golden retriever or a husky or a german shepherd maybe 🙂
I can’t seem to use your link, it says it’s a private video… Could you check of it’s correct? Thanks!