How do I, 28M, overcome loneliness? Throughout college I was struck with a state of deep melancholy and since then, I have largely lost interest in most activities. There are very few things I enjoy and those that I do enjoy aren’t really sociable or hard to do with others. I often work long hours of unpaid overtime out of boredom for I know that I’d fall asleep otherwise. Without many hobbies and living in a city without any friends, how is one to meet others, make friends, and overcome a pattern of loneliness?
One may argue that this lack of interests or hobbies is due to depression, which it is, but the depression is also due to the lack of hobbies and perceived wasting away of my 20s. This has created a sort of feedback loop, so the situation is not so straightforward.
To clarify: How does one socialize when they have forgotten how to and/or have little interest in doing so?
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Two things need to happen: one is finding social opportunities and forcing yourself to participate in them, and the other is forcing yourself to find a social hobby.
When you’re past 25 and out of college, relationships are something you have to actively work for. You can’t meet anyone at home, so you’ll have to participate in something that occurs (best case) weekly, or at the very least, keep going to things that occur once a month or less. It’ll be easier to form connections with people the more often you’re around the same people on an ongoing, consistent basis. It’ll be easier still if you like the thing you’re doing.
Find something that at least *kind of* appeals to you. For example, I hate sports and loud places and running around. So even though there’s a possibility that joining a basketball group that plays every week *could* let me meet new people, and *maybe* I could even like it… the better option would be to choose an art class that meets biweekly for 4 months, or an ongoing volunteer position 2hrs a week at a soup kitchen.
In the latter case, I might not want to stand around making sandwiches at 8am on my sundays. But the entire point (besides the charitable aspect of it, blah blah blah) is that I might meet someone there, strike up a conversation, and actually enjoy his/her company.
I’m very aware how little free time you have, especially considering making meals, transit time, etc. I personally don’t see a way around making “finding social connections” into basically a job, if your normal routine in life never puts you around new people. If you find a better way, lemme know.