This post is gonna make me sound really shallow, and to be honest I probably am.
Im 23 and have had success with women, and by some guys standards I’ve had a lot of success. However I have always felt like no matter how many women I go out with, I can always do better in some way. They can always be hotter, more into me, the sex can always be better, I can always have more sex or have more girlfriends more often, thoughts like that.
Even if I go on a great date with an attractive woman and we hook up, as soon as she leaves my brain goes, “okay, so what’s next? What could I have done better?”. I feel like this is how a crackhead chasing rock feels, only briefly satisfied.
Is this normal? I can’t help but feel like it has to do with putting a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
28 comments
Perfect is the enemy of good.
Commitment issues?
I’m not sure how normal it is. Probably relatively normal. Hook up culture seems to be a thing, and if people enjoy it maybe you are pretty normal. Just lookin for a good time.
I can’t relate, but I’m not successful at it. If I meet someone and we have sex and the sex is good, that person becomes the object of my interest and focus because of just how rare and special that is.
In my opinion, the most important thing is to figure out which women make you the most happy. You have to be really into her personally. Then you’ll just be thinking about how great it feels to be with her.
Grow up.
Figure out more helpful standards for yourself. Also, you can improve with the same woman.
You can’t. Desire can never be satisfied. Whatever you get, you will always want more.
Honestly, welcome to your twenties. Get it out of your system while your young. I was the same way when I was 23. I had a lot of insecurity and men get a lot of validation from other men when they are successful with women so, I found a lot of validation that way (which I didn’t get in high school so I craved it). Plus, its generally validating to have an attractive woman be into you. Similar to you I was always focusing on finding the next girl, but really was scared to be vulnerable with another human. Why are women your crack? I mean I get it we’re straight men, but do you also chase academics, work, hobbies anything like that, or is it just women? Obviously you have some self reflection to do, but if I’m spitballing you have some inner confidence issues you need to work on. On the outside sounds like you do great, but try being in a relationship for 5 years and you suddenly won’t have the ability to charm a girl and move onto the next. You have to love yourself at that point or you can’t love someone else. I think you need to look a little bit into how to love yourself more and not looking for that validation in women because even though it’s fun you’re probably not growing the way you want to…nor truly enjoying it.
There’s never going to be someone who is actually perfect. Never. Maybe find someone that is pretty darned great and work on the future together. It’s helpful to make a regular and deliberate effort to be grateful for what is in our lives. That doesn’t mean settle for a bad person, but when that good person is found think something like, “You know what, this person is pretty great. We have a lot in common, we get along well most of the time, and it’s amazing that they can put up with my imperfections and still love me. This is worth the effort to make it work.”
So long as an addictive behaviour is continually fed, then it is never satisfied.
It’s a phase. You’re learning how to not be lame. Eventually you will achieve your goal of knowledge and find the woman or man that is your partner. They won’t be the hottest, they won’t have the tightest pussy. They won’t squeal the best. They will be your best friend.
Talk with a therapist. You’ve identified an abnormality with the way you view love, sex, and relationships.
Are you winning, son?
Id say you’re 23 you still have shit to prove to yourself. You are shallow by design. Dont beat yourself up. Embrace it.
But a good lasting relationship can help a lot.
I mean… you’re young and maybe just not ready to settle down. Not knowing your upbringing, but older generations put a lot of pressure on young men to settle early (at least in my case, I’m 37). I didn’t meet my partner until I was 31 and we got together about a year later. Compatibility in what you want in life is important and it’s not likely that you or your potential partners even know what that is right now.
All I’ll say is, don’t get a disease, and don’t get a girl pregnant. That will come with its own pressures. And don’t string women along if you’re not ready to commit. When you’re ready to settle, you will. And if you never settle, cool.
All i am hearing is a walking STD bank
I find if something is to easy to get it had no value. One of these days you will meet a woman that won’t give you the time of day. And that will be the one you’ll want
I wonder how you would feel if no woman would put out until married. How Guy like you would treat woman
When I hit 30 I started turning women down. But that was just me.
66 year old man. Oh to be 23 again
You’re 23!! Fugg your dick off, WEAR A CONDOM! And when the right one comes along, worry about being better for her!
It’s not about dating it’s about you.
For some reason you don’t feel content.
My guess is it’s insecurity and the need to prove yourself by having the best girl.
I’d suggest seeking peace and contentment in your life overall and dating will sort itself out.
Best of luck to you
I’m 32. I have never been satisfied in any relationship.
For me, I value freedom over security. I’ve decided I don’t want to live with a woman. I want to do what I want to do without having to worry about someone else’s wants and needs. I volunteer a lot and being able to just drop everything and go work for a week or more without worrying about abandoning my obligations at home is very valuable to me.
Also, I have recently found deeper love than I ever have before. I think that is because I am living honestly now, I’m not pretending I want a traditional relationship.
I guess what I’m saying here is you don’t necessarily HAVE to settle down if you don’t want to, or if you are bad at it.
Dude. I know you don’t feel like it, but you’re so young. You’ll be fine. Live your life, the rest will come.
A relationship is something you build, not something you shop for.
A partner is not some mass produced commodity with some standard checklist. It’s bespoke.
And you are the only one who can make such a tailor made perfect fitting partner for yourself. You’ll have to develop the skills. You’ll have to find the right cloth. You’ll have to make a good and honest measure of yourself. And then get to work.
And if your partner is cut from the right cloth, she will do the same to you.
And then you will wear each other in, and nothing else will be close to as comfortable and practical and “you”.
Of course just going shopping feels empty.
Seek out intellectually stimulating conversations with women rather than treating them like a game to figure out
I was similar at your age. Everyone’s life is different obviously, but I’m 30 now, and the well has run dry.
Admittedly, I’m not as physically attractive as I was when I was a little younger, but it’s become very hard to cope with the fact that stunningly beautiful women have seemingly lost all interest in me. I used to date “9’s” exclusively, and it wouldn’t take me more than a couple weeks to score with whomever I was interested in.
Now, I can’t even land a first date with modestly attractive woman. It’s been a huge regression, and I’m regretting the mistakes I made in prior relationships.
If you’re reading this OP, my only advice would be to decide what you want out of your relationships. If you want to settle down, then find out what qualities are most important to you, and settle down with someone who.is compatible. If you just want to keep running through conquest after conquest, then continue doing so. Just realize that as you get older, the women you want to be with start getting married and having children with other men, leaving you with less desirable partners.
You know what it means? It means you’re 23! Don’t worry about settling down for a while. Date a lot and you will eventually figure out what kind of woman you want.
I was exactly this guy at university. As sad as I find this now, I actually had a portfolio with all the headshots of the models, strippers, and actresses I dated. One day I just woke up and realized I was an idiot. I made a list of the 13 things I couldn’t live without and only dated women with those character traits. A year later I was married (at 24)…and it wasn’t to the type of person I would have been attracted to before. It’s been 25 years this year, and it just keeps getting better. Side note, the sex is sooooo much better with a normal adjusted, smart person who loves you than it ever could be with a one night stand…no matter what your emotions tell you. Pron ain’t helping you either.
You dont know what you want which is why you can never be satisfied
you felt like she was there for the experience which is why you think of the other attractive women who’s passed by you and if they would be different, you want to become the receiver of the experience you relay.
Have you been friends with women?
You would be surprised at how as humans we all have the same emotions. You might want to try getting to know some women as friends, without any expectations of dating. Doing so will help you to learn a bit more about how humans are not objects to be collected, nor experiences to be scored and evaluated, nor academic degrees to be collected, nor promotions to be earned.