I’m a 28f with a 30m partner and a child of 1yr. My child and I currently live in France and my childs father in England.
I’m planning to leave my partner for various reasons (including feeling like I’m raising two kids and financial abuse), which my family feel it would be more appropriate to wait til after Christmas to cut the ties (especially as I’m getting some legal support re the rights of baby’s dad and I want to be fully in the know)
With me being abroad, we’d originally discussed me flying back to england with the baby for Christmas then returning to France for new year. It was agreed that I’d have lifts from the airport to partners home (lives with his parents) and lifts back to the airport, which I’d pay petrol. However, his family have decided that they no longer want to give me a lift as they want to drink (none of them normally drink for medical reasons) and have said that I’d need to get taxis -which would cost over £100 each way.
Now as a background – I have no financial income of my own since having our child and we were living with his parents and struggling until my parents said I could move in with them to take some financial burden from partners family (partner was applying for a visa but it was declined and I have an Irish passport so I can stay indefinitely in France without one) i have been taking our child back and forth monthly so he could see his child. Not once in 5 months has he made the trip to me, just expected me to come to him. This is usual for their family; I make all the effort normally, they don’t.
So this time I’ve asked him to come to France for Christmas so he can see his child; so he finally can make some effort, rather than it being me. He was okay with it so my Dad has booked and paid for flights for him, and have bought him gifts despite them disliking him (they’ve never let him know and have always treated him like their own son)
My question is this – is it harsh for making him make effort and travel for Xmas, knowing that in the New Year I’ll be ending our relationship?
TL;DR – planning on leaving a bad relationship with child’s dad in the new year but have told him to finally make some effort in our relationship and travel abroad to spend Xmas with my family so he can see his child.
5 comments
You shouldn’t feel bad for basically having to beg your child’s father to actually be a father.
The effort to travel from England to France? On paid for flights? To see his kid? I’ve put in more effort to get to a work meeting. It’s fine.
I suppose I don’t understand why you need to wait so long to end your romantic relationship, but I guess that’s between you and your lawyer.
It’s already paid for plus he’ll need to get used to doing the traveling for your child. You can also use this to your advantage in leaving him (depending on how you’re custody laws work over there) showing out of 6 months of being separated he’s only taken initiative once to see his child.
You may want to see r/legaladvice for more info on that.
He’s made his choices to not step up and be an adult and he’ll be forced to. I don’t think you’re being unfair or unreasonable in any manner.
Best of luck OP.
You are being perfectly fair.
He’s traveling to see the child. Don’t make it about your relationship.