I can never fully enjoy sex

I am so tired of sex always hurting me. I think I’m allergic to condoms and lube. I have tried so many. I’ve shown my gynecologist everything I have used. Latex, non-latex, condoms without certain chemicals, and so forth. She just keeps recommending me others but I get the same results.

Monday afternoon I had such painful sex. I wanted to enjoy it so badly. My boyfriend kept asking me if I was okay and if it was hurting. He does this every single time we have sex. I kept telling him everything was okay. I just feel so bad that he always needs to ask me and that he has to walk on eggshells for me during sex. I lied about my pin for him but it ended up in me STILL feeling pain on this Friday morning. Not to mention me bawling after sex from how hurt I was and him just holding me and telling me I should have told him so we could have stopped.

I wish I didn’t have these issues. I’ve been with him for 6 years. He is my first and I am his first. And sex has ALWAYS been like this. It is exhausting! Don’t get me wrong, we have had incredible times. Some days just don’t hurt as much as others. Sometimes going in without a condom does the trick. Sometimes it doesn’t. I just want to enjoy this with him fully. Without ever having pain. Especially not the pain I still feel right now. I don’t even want to touch myself I can feel how hurt I am down there. I feel like a fool for not telling him to stop, but I just want to make love with my long term boyfriend. I just want to have that with him. And I feel like I can’t because every doctors visit, every new doctor I go to, it just ends in disappointment.