My gf wants me to slap and choke her but i dont want to hurt her.

21 comments

1. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. Talk to her and tell her that isn’t for you.

   Unless you are willing to try it out…

2. She’s not asking you to put her in a rear naked choke and crank her neck. Just do it lightly

3. If it makes you feel sad, it’s completely valid to say that you don’t want to!

4. My girlfriend enjoys being choked during sex, but it’s a subtle squeeze and not a wrestling move.

   Just enough to put some pressure with one hand and I always tell her to please tell me if it’s getting too hard. You’re not hurting her unless you legit just go all out and get her face red.

5. Work your way up to it. Start by just holding / grabbing her neck. It doesn’t hurt, even if you were to properly choke her it wouldn’t hurt, i mean you’re not trying to kill her, just pressing on the arteries and that doesn’t require much force.

6. Your gf wants to be dominated. Just start with grabbing the neck. I was like you, one day a girl told me to cum in her face and I said “ I can’t you are to beautiful” immediately turn off for her lol. Years after of trying to understand why women like it all made sense. Women want a strong man and feeling dominated is part of it. Start choking softly just having your hand on her neck will make the job for now.

7. She needs that, either do it, learn why its important for her or shell eventually find that somewhere else. This is not about you.

8. I really, REALLY advise you against choking your girlfriend. Jay Wiseman, the world-famous BDSM expert with over 35 years experience, says it’s too dangerous to do: [https://www.jaywiseman.com/SEX_BDSM_Breath_Closing_Argument.html](https://www.jaywiseman.com/SEX_BDSM_Breath_Closing_Argument.html)

   He knows his stuff. He is not some moralistic prude, he’s been doing things with whips and chains for over three decades. If he says that it isn’t safe, then it really, REALLY isn’t safe.

   If your girlfriend wants to be sexually dominated, there are a hundred other ways to do it that don’t involve choking. If you want to learn to be sexually dominant, then I suggest you join [Fetlife.com](https://Fetlife.com). It is a social networking site for kink and BDSM that is filled with events, forums, and all sorts of information and resources. You and your girlfriend can find all sorts of fun ways to explore sexuality and kink and get off without risking her life or causing her serious injury.

9. Go with it simply,it will turn her on even more.. choking,dirty talk and slapping are ways to spice up things in bed

10. I listened to a podcast about a similar situation. The couple opened their relationship so the partner into BDSM could join a club and enjoy that part of their sexual desires independently.

    Having an open marriage myself, I know it’s not for everyone, but I can say that it has made us closer. We have very strong boundaries and communicate honestly and openly.

    If you want something long term with this partner, this could be an option for you.

    Good luck, either way.

11. I like being choked and spanked during sex, and I always reassure my boyfriend I’m okay with it and he’s not hurting me but sometimes he just doesn’t want too. So, he compensates by doing other things and we still have amazing sex.

    If you aren’t comfortable with it, have that conversation.

12. Do it bro she needs to be dominated you’ll grow into it and eventually you guys will venture even further in the bedroom

13. I once knocked out my ex while doing this. Scared me a bit but she wasn’t even mad cause she wanted me to.

14. From personal experience, my current bf was also very nervous about it. He ended up trying it, and it was fantastic for me, but afterward he started apologizing profusely and saying he didn’t mean any of the harsh names he called me. I laughed at the time and told him he did great, but I now wish I had went about it differently.

    In hindsight, I wish we had a very straightforward discussion beforehand of what I wanted. When I said “choke me”, sure it sounded hot, but he did a throttle grip which is not correct 😅 I didn’t go over how hard I wanted things, so he kept escalating until it was a bit too painful (which is another reason he felt so apologetic).

    I think if you are feeling up to trying, try asking her ahead of time to discuss exactly where both of your boundaries are. And like others said, you can also talk to her about not feeling comfortable.

15. Squeeze kind of the sides of the throat, instead of doing a cereal killer choke, with decent pressure. It doesn’t hurt and it makes you harder/her more wet. Avoid pressing on the wind pipe especially hard.

16. Something you can do without taking the risk is when making love put your hand on her chest/beginning of her throat. Apply light pressure but no strangulation( so press on the chest and dont squeeze the neck/throat) some women like this instead of the choking

17. Try to start slow and gentle and see how you feel with it. Just put your hand there, without any pressure and give her some light slaps. Talk to her that you’re willing to try but in a way you feel comfortable with it. And communicate with her during what’s ok for her

18. Ask her which lvl of choking from the least painful till she tells u maybe idk man its up to u to tell if u want it or not

19. On one hand intimacy requires trust, and you can trust her to let you know if it’s hurting more than she wants. On the other hand, you should never do something sexually that you just aren’t okay with.

20. One more word of advice, OP. If you and your girlfriend do decide to use [Fetlife.com](https://Fetlife.com), do NOT put your faces in your profiles. People might screenshot them and leak them to your employers, friends, and/or families. I don’t think you want the entire world to know that you’re on a BDSM/kink social network.

    Anyway, a good place to start learning is Jay Wiseman’s book, SM 101: [https://www.amazon.com/101-Realistic-Introduction-Jay-Wiseman](https://www.amazon.com/101-Realistic-Introduction-Jay-Wiseman)

    It’s male dom/female sub-centric, but seeing as that’s the dynamic that your girlfriend wants, it should be a good fit for you.

21. Don’t do anything that you do not feel comfortable however much the other person asks for it. However, as someone who also likes their partner to do those things during sex- it’s because I enjoy it. If the slap is painful I get sexual gratification from it. She’s wouldn’t have asked for it unless she enjoys and wants it.

    Though again, don’t do anything you don’t want to. I like it done to me but i could never do it to someone else.

    And if you decide to go through with it, communicate with you partner beforehand, come up with a safe word and do lots of research on how to choke safely. It can be very dangerous.