I’ve (22 F) been in a lot of really shitty relationships and I have a lot of trauma from all of them. This has turned me into someone who is emotionally unavailable, someone who suppresses & someone who is not very expressive. This past December, I met someone who ticks all my boxes and I really want to get closer to him and form a relationship with him (21 M). Everything is great except for the fact that he wants someone who is emotionally available and I feel that no matter how hard I try I don’t know how to express properly because of my past trauma. I’m in therapy, i’m looking things up & i’m really trying to get to the growth where I can be emotionally available again. We have a lot of conversations about things that would help us & things we can both do differently so we can make sure that the relationship is not only benefiting the both of us, but so that it’s healthy.
Being that i’m so inexpressive – it’s also complicated for me to express I want him or initiate that I want to have sex or be intimate. I want to show him that i’m crazy about him but i’m not sure how. I want to show him I can be expressive how I once was, but i’m not sure how.. Can anyone help me ? I want this with him so badly & he wants this with me – but i’m lacking in some areas and I want to show him i’m serious. He doesn’t want me to change in anyway, he loves me how I am. I’m just frustrated with myself because I know I have the capabilities to be expressive and emotionally available, I just don’t know how to bring it out of me again.
TLDR : idk how to be emotionally available because of past trama and i want to know how to be expressive again in and out of the bedroom