My boyfriend (m29) and I (f21) have been together for just over 2 years and I feel like our relationship has been going downhill the past year.
I lost my dad this August and it’s been extremely hard on my family and I. Before we found out my boyfriend and I had planned a non-refundable trip, because of this I wasn’t able to go (my partner was going to go by himself but his mum told him to stay) he was quite mad and made multiple comments about the money being wasted and that the weekend was ruined. His funeral was in September and the entire time my boyfriend wasn’t there for me he didn’t hold me or comfort me. It was worse at the wake because he was on his phone the whole time.
Even though neither of us can drive we used to do some much together, but now he spends more of his time on games than anything else, even if I try he tells me that we’ll do it after he finishes.
He has also been spending more time at his and I’ve liked being alone. I still love him so much but I’m just so conflicted I used to see a future with him but I don’t know anymore.
TLDR, relationship going down hill, not spending time together, conflicting feeling on what to do
6 comments
Your relationship is only salvageable if he is actually sorry for how he’s acted and is trying to change, otherwise you are waiting around hoping your boyfriend isn’t who he’s shown you he is.
Move on, he’s way too old and immature for you
Someone who cannot even offer you basic decency and compassion when your parent dies is not someone who will be there for you in other hard times. He has shown you who he is and you deserve better. I’m sorry for your loss. 💔
He’s shown you and continues to show you you’re not important to him.
Drop him.
I think how someone shows up for you in a time that you need support tells a lot about a person… I won’t say anything specific, but he didn’t pass the test
My guess is U need to have a conversation with him and put it to him how you feel.
When someone is hurting in a relationship it’s pretty noticeable and needs to be verbalised to move on.
It sounds like he didn’t know how to react or behave and now he’s aware you’re hurt, he doesn’t know how to fix it.
Avoidance of a problem will never help. If you want to salvage the relationship, someone has to start the convo.
This might just be you that does it.
Good luck
It depends on how much you trust him and how able you are to let this go. I imagine it would be hard to accept that your partner was not who you needed at such a vulnerable time, it would be hard to accept that in times of grief you may not have his loving support if it was inconvenient to him. Some people are really bad at grief, they’re uncomfortable with it all together and cannot provide support. This is something you’d have to accept about them because many people cannot change this…. Even if they wanted to, some people are not capable of the empathy and patience needed to provide comfort.
Grief is very heavy and I imagine you’re still grieving the loss of your dad. Really sorry for your loss. Maybe it’s time for some space. You two have forever to figure things out. I feel that you may begin resenting him and that will really hurt you more.