28F and have never had a real adult relationship post-college. I’ve struggled with anxiety and self-esteem issues, and it took me up until a year ago to get myself to a point where I was comfortable with who I am. Now, I have a great job, great friends, hobbies, and a social life in one of the biggest cities in the world. I’m as fit as I’ve ever been, practice good hygiene, and know I’m conventionally attractive or, at the very least, not ugly.
However, dating has been absolutely terrible. The past year started with a couple hook-ups who have made it clear they’re only interested in my body and nothing else. Then, I began a situationship that lasted about 4-5 months with a guy who made it clear he’s not looking for a relationship with anyone. Still, I was stupid enough to believe I could win him over because of the strength of our connection. In attempting to get over him, I’ve been active on the apps for the past 2-3 months. I’ve had three first dates that all been great, but have ended with the guy 2-3 days later when I directly ask them about plans giving some excuse or another why “it’s not a good time.” Most recently, I made it to a third date with a guy. Things felt good, we had been texting between dates every day for about 2-3 weeks, but then shortly after a really nice dinner I got hit with “I don’t feel like this is a great fit right now.” My ex-situationship also keeps texting me in an effort to keep the connection alive for down the line, and it makes me sad because I know that nothing changes the reality of where he is.
Every one of these situations makes me feel so embarrassed and pathetic and confirms all the terrible narratives I have in my head. It’s hard to think that there could be someone out there who actually likes me. I worked so hard to be able to put myself out there, and I feel worse than ever before.
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> 28F and have never had a real adult relationship post-college. I’ve struggled with anxiety and self-esteem issues, and it took me up until a year ago to get myself to a point where I was comfortable with who I am. Now, I have a great job, great friends, hobbies, and a social life in one of the biggest cities in the world. I’m as fit as I’ve ever been, practice good hygiene, and know I’m conventionally attractive or, at the very least, not ugly.
It’s a tough world out there, and maybe things have just gone downhill in the past half decade. I feel so much better about my body too, although I still have some self-esteem, confidence, and anxiety issues. I look in the mirror and don’t absolutely hate what I see now that I’m not overweight and have some muscle.
I can’t even get a date now. I’ve tried so hard over the past 9 months, and nothing has happened. I can barely even get matches now. I’m trying to power through and keep sending messages that might not even be read.
I guess I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with having your terrible narratives reinforced by the dating scene. I hope you find someone that can fully appreciate what you bring to the table.
The brave new world ig . Cant even get too emotionally invested in long term commited types
I guess you aren’t so attractive like you think. In a dating app where people self-rate their attractiveness level lot of women are 3/4/5 and give themselves 8/9.
My advice is:
1. to use the photofeeler website and have a realistic idea how are attractive in the dating market.
2. look for guys that keep a consistent style of communication. If they take too long to respond it’s because they’re having a meh reaction and won’t put in the effort later. Maybe they’re seeing if they hold up long enough to just put in the iron.
From what I’m reading, there is nothing wrong with you aside from the fact that you are attracting men not interested in relationships. That’s going to be a problem in one’s late 20s. Try setting your sights on men in their early to mid 30s, who will be both more mature and more willing to settle down in a relationship. If you can hook up, you are attractive enough and you are desirable enough. It is attracting the kind of men that want a relationship that is a problem.