So I have been on a few dates with two different women over the past few months. Started dating them around the same time maybe a week between first dates with both. 7 dates with one and 4 with the other, let’s call them Rachel (7) and Hannah (4) for the sake of the story.
I just had the seventh date with Rachel today, we went ice skating and then went for ice cream while going for a walk through the city. She had never been ice skating before so I was teaching her how to skate while protecting her from falling. The date went pretty well and we were either holding hands or had arms around one another practically the whole night. On the way back from the ice skating we were holding each other’s hands and as I started tracing my fingers on her hand she started to fall asleep on my shoulder. We kissed each other goodnight as we have done in a lot of our previous dates. The next time I see her I want to talk about exclusivity as I really like spending time with her.
For this to happen I want to as nicely as possible reject Hannah. We were set to meet up when she finished her exams in a few weeks time to celebrate her being finished. This would be the fifth date. I haven’t really been texting her much lately with her being busy studying for her exams. I definitely don’t want to ghost her and feel like rejecting her over text would be a pretty shitty thing to do. I don’t want to be leading her on at all but I feel like if I reject her while she is in the middle of studying for her exams that it could be overwhelming for her. Should I wait till after her exams are over to let her down gently or should I just meet up with her soon to let her know. She also paid for the last date and we agreed that I would pay for the next one so complicates things a bit further. As cliche as it sounds I would like to continue being friends with her if possible but obviously if she doesn’t want to that’s completely understandable.
Any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance
9 comments
Honesty is definitely best. Just let her know that you’ve got feelings for someone else, and it’s nothing she did wrong, you just feel more of connection with Rachel. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and spending time with you, but I’ve got a really good connection with someone else that I want to explore and it wouldn’t be fair for me to sting your along” or something like that!
7 dates and still “nothing”?.. come on man
Keep dating until you 100% sure know. I don’t think holding hands is enough for a lot of people.
For when to tell her, i would try best to do in person or over the phone. This news won’t be the best but you never know how it can affect someone. I would wait until she is done with finals as someone who is also dealing with something similar and was rejected I wish i would’ve know after I had so much else to worry about. Honest is best and and I would tell her exactly why it is happening, answer any questions honestly too. I hope it goes well!
After 4 dates I would just appreciate a text or phone call. I don’t think it’s necessary to ask for another date just to dump her, it’s honestly a waste of her time. If you can wait until after her exams to send the text that would be nice, but if you feel you need to do it sooner, do it right away.
I would first make sure that Rachel is feeling you, and into you just as much as you are her. I mean you can send her a text and just kinda fish around and ask her does she think that she can see herself being in a committed relationship with a guy like you. How is she starting to feel about you and her relationship/friendship? Is she wanting to be in a committed relationship. Blah blah. You never know Ms. Rachel just could also be dating someone else besides you too? Never know. And what if she’s feeling this other dude more than she is you? So I would just be honest about everything honestly is always the best!! And ask her how she’s feeling about you. Good luck!!
Dont go on a date and dump her. Its horrible. Doesnt matter if it is your turn to pay…. Just text her you would like to talk to her on the phone. See when it’s convenient for her…. And then let her know things are not working.
On the other hand…. holding hands and kissing and you already want to be exclusive???? Have you had sex with the other woman yet??? I would wait….
Just text her and end it. No reason to wait. Just send her a nice text.
I was recently the Hannah in your situation but the guy was not as thoughtful and was physically intimate with both of us while lying to both of us. Anyways, he ended things by taking me out on a date and telling me 1.5 hours into our hangout and it was the worst. I know it seems better than via text, but it really is just wasting more of her time plus by you reaching out with the plans she may interpret that as you still being interested leading up to the date, and that could make it even more disappointing.