People who have altered their personality to fit in with others, was it worth it?

6 comments

1. No. It never is. Regardless of how much you succeed at “fitting in” in the moment, once you’re alone with yourself again all that success just feels hollow and meaningless.

   As cliché as it sounds, it’s honestly better to just be yourself, even if it means being alone for a while.

2. Yes and no.

   It was worth it for the learning experience, which I wouldn’t take back. But it’s not something I’d do again in quite the same way.

   I think being “yourself” is important, but also that “yourself” can be someone who is prudent about which parts to show and which parts don’t need to show.

   The art movement of cubism, from what I’ve heard, was an exploration of whether or not you could show *all* sides of an object on a 2D plane. Can you show the front and back and inside of a violin at the same time, in one image? Can you show the human face in a more encapsulating form than the limited viewpoint you have from just the front, back or side? Is a jumbled drawing of a human showing random angles and close-ups a *more* accurate representation of someone than the typical portrait?

   I think only a select few people get to see you in cubist form. Most people will only see you from one angle, and that’s not a bad thing.

   For myself, with board game friends I lean into the parts of me that are naturally competitive. My personality with them is someone who loves to learn and optimize strategies, someone who wants to do better every game.

   With my musical friends I lean into the parts of me that are naturally reflective. My personality with them is someone who loves to relax and soak in the sounds, make new connections between things and explore beautiful poetic devices in prose.

   I am not a fake person in either situation, but I bet my friends from these different circles would barely recognize me as the same entity.

   *Altering* your personality – making yourself go against your own values to fit in – isn’t the way to go. But if there are parts of your personality that already might fit, and parts that might not, then it’s prudent to show the angle of yourself that is relevant so the social situation. And it’s not disingenuous as long as you’re not either lying or actively trying to hide the parts of yourself that are less relevant to the situation.

3. I wouldn’t say I altered my personality. Rather, I worked to develop a greater sense of empathy. Being mindful of other people’s point of view helped to make me kinder and more emotionally open. Somehow this makes people like me more. It wasn’t my main goal, but it’s a nice benefit.

   So yeah, for me it was worth it. It can be hard at times because I am more sensitive to other peoples’ moods. If the people around me are having a bad day, it really brings me down.

4. Everyone altered their personality to fit in with the people they are with at the time . You’re not the same with your parents as with your best friends, you’re not the same with your best friends as with other friends, you’re not the same with friends as with SO, you’re not the same with strange as with old acquitance, etc, etc, etc.

   You’re going to be you always. But if you’re asking if you have to lie, fake interests in thing and that kind of things, then don’t.

5. Lieing to yourself to accommodate someone else is an insult to you. Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter

6. No, I feel fragmented and like I have no idea who I am. I was so good at tricking myself, I became whatever they wanted me to be. I believed it too. Remove yourself from the situation if you feel like you are losing control.