I (19f) often get really insecure about my lack of sexual experience. When I met my boyfriend (19m) I was a virgin. We have sex multiple times, but I’m always concerned that he might not be enjoying it since I’m still figuring out how to do some stuff. I’ve brought it up to him a few times how I want to get better to make sure he’s enjoying himself. He gives me a couple things to do more like biting or scratching, but never really much else. The other night we were discussing it again and he brings up how I don’t really do much while we’re having sex. I tell him that I need a bit of guidance because I’m not really sure what he wants from me. He’s usually the one in control, and as far as I know he likes it that way. I feel like there’s not much I can really do with him on top of me and pinning me down, but maybe I just haven’t figured something out. He tells me he’s not complaining or asking to change anything, but i want to do more for him.
We weren’t arguing when he called me boring. He was telling me that I also need to tell him what I want, and that it needs to be more than just “harder” or something. Then comes when he tells me I’m boring. It was more of a playful banter, but it honestly kinda hurt. I don’t want to not doing anything during sex, but I’m a little lost on what more I can do? Any advice on how I can change things up or be more active in bed?
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What was the actual statement or sentence when he used the word boring? I’m only asking because you’ve said multiple times in the post that he’s not complaining or asking for more but it may be some insecurity in you looking for an issue where there isn’t one.
Outside of that, if you want to change things up then you can try
1. Being on top or taking the lead
2. Even if he is in control, ask him to do specific positions. Take them “lead” in directing him
Well for one thing you spend about 80% of this post explaining the things that he asks you to do like the biting and scratching, getting better at it and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, that is not what he is saying is it. What he is asking is what do you want? I understand that you are nervous and unexperienced but he is asking you to get more in touch with what your sexual desires are. Instead of focusing on him and what he wants what is it that you want from him? It’s not a problem if you have none but it would be more fun if you did. Get in touch with yourself have ponder as to what gets you going. I don’t think he is trying to say you are boring in bed, I think he wants you to be more assertive to your own sexuality. You are not there to only serve him if that makes any sense.
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Question: Do you orgasm during sex with your bf? Or during any other sort of sexual activity with him? When you’re in missionary position, some things to do are to actively gyrate/grind your pelvis sort of up & into him as he’s thrusting or moving in/out of you, use your hands to caress all over his body, his chest, neck, back, butt, put your hands through his hair, you can even grab his hair, etc. Grab his butt & pull him into you as he is thrusting, kiss him with open mouth/tongue while he’s inside you, making soft moaning noises or just breathe a little heavy if moaning doesn’t feel natural, tell him how good it feels, etc. You could even touch or pinch his nipples while he’s doing you (if he’s into that, some guys are). Those are just some things I could think of that I do while in this position. But yeah also don’t be afraid to take charge and be the one on top or even try other positions. And don’t be afraid to show/tell him what you like. As far as how/where you like to be touched & same with him giving you oral & so forth. That is def a turn on for men in my experience. Experiment.
I’m definitely reading it as he wants you to be more of an active participant. Even if he wants to be in control or is more dominant, it seems like he wants you to express what it is you want out of sex. My suggestion would be to consider what you want during sex and then tell him that directly the next time so that you can be more vocal about your needs. Hope that helps! You can even incorporate it into dirty talk or whatever.
You don’t have to be a porn star or swinging from chandeliers to be good at sex. Its a process of trying things, seeing what you both enjoy and talking to each other. You seem to be on the right track already. Relax and continue your journey. Ask your boy friend to be careful with comments like that as you’re a bit self conscious. Enjoy
I’m submissive in bed so I get pinned down a lot, but all my lovers have loved –
– when I talk dirty. When I’m very comfortable and in the mood I say some filthy things
– when I give oral enthusiastically and take my time with it
– when I fuck back during doggy style
– Get touchy. Pull him down and lick his lips during missionary. Beg him to kiss me.
You both are Young and it takes time to find out what you like and be mature enough to think about each other’s needs and desires and calling you boring as a joke again is a lack of maturity, you both are going to make a lot of mistakes in this life when it comes to this topic you guys are still trying to figure out who you are much less how to be great in bed and making a comment like that is also his own insecurities. So embrace the time that you have and I can’t say enough but communication real communication where you’re both listening, understanding and responding will definitely Make things easier and less hurtful