My SOs personality changes completely whenever he’s mad
So my SO is, in a normal state, an incredible partner. He’s caring and empathetic, really sweet and supports me in everything that I do.
He’ll do literally anything for me (to the point where I started to worry for him and talk to him about establishing more boundaries, as I was afraid he’d do things he actually doesn’t want to do).
However, he is very sensible to criticism and takes things very personally. Especially when he is in a depressive phase, he is very irritable.
As soon as he gets mad, I feel like I have a completely different person in front of me. He says incredibly mean things to me and triggers me really badly. He uses my mental health diagnoses against me (ADHD and possibly autistic) to discredit me in the argument and as I slip into a full blown meltdown he calls me crazy and how I’m scaring him with my behavior. Gaslighting, manipulation, the whole package.
I am genuinely traumatized from our arguments so that I have trigger words now that when used, will catapult me into a meltdown in seconds.
I cannot wrap my mind around this. He is not like a typical abuser where the abuse is subtle and happening all the time but he literally just switches in the fraction of a second.
Does anyone have a similar experience to this? How do you cope? I feel like I’m losing my mind.
(Repost because I felt like the title was misleading)
4 comments
“He’s not like a typical abuser” yes he is. What makes you think abusers aren’t nice? It’s called love bombing. And that’s what he’s doing to you.
How do you think they hook their victims? How do you think they get them to stay around? They’re *nice* to them, overly so, just like yours is right now.
And then the switch flips and they’re not a different person. They’re *themselves*. That is who they really are. Believe them.
I’ve been in abusive relationships my entire life, starting with my parents. There’s no salvaging this. You cope with it by leaving. That is the ONLY answer.
That’s exactly like the typical abuser. Very sweet and kind until they aren’t.
Please read this and compare your experiences. No Buts allowed though
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
>He is not like a typical abuser where the abuse is subtle and happening all the time but he literally just switches in the fraction of a second.
The fact that you are even thinking about your partner in terms of whether he is a ‘typical abuser’ is already a red flag.
Ok, so what if he is not what you think of as a ‘typical abuser’? Does that make him any less abusive? Does it make his abusive behaviour ok? Does it make you feel any better?
I had similar relationships with my ex. At some point my anxiety just got so bad. He was insisting that all those fights are good for us because we make each other better. Guess who actually made me a better person? My current partner who literally never raised his voice or offended me in any way. The break up with my ex was very long overdue, don’t make the same mistake.