Bf and Roommate

I (f20) started talking to this guy (m21) about a month ago. My old roommate (f19) is a huge attention seeking girl. She’s the type of friend who you tell her you have a crush on someone and she’ll go out of her way to flirt with him. This happened with this guy. I could tell that he was into her too. We were just drunk making out and nothing serious but then the next day, he was dming my roommate, talking to her much more than me when we all hung out blah blah. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Fast forward and this guy and I are now talking, exclusively. I made a joke about how he was trying to get with my friend but how it also hurt my feelings considering we were kissing and stuff literally the day before. He said “I don’t know if this is gonna make you feel better but ___ is cute, like reealllyyyyt cute” (talking about my old roommate). He proceeded to tell me about how him and his friend were debating on who was gonna go for her. Keep in mind this was all while him and I were having a little fling. I’m not sure why but I completely shut down. I don’t want to respond to his texts. It makes me feel disrespected. Him and I have been planning trips to see each other, talk 24/7, very open about our feelings. It just felt immature. He’s made it clear that he likes me and we’ve talked about a future a lot. I would never go and tell him about how cute I think one of his friends are and my past plans to get with them, all while still talking to me. It hurts my feelings and made me shut down. Am I being dramatic? What’s a good way to respond to this? My old roommate isn’t in either of our lives anymore, but I still feel so uneasy.

11 comments

  1. lol You are not being dramatic at all. You have a very valid and normal reaction. If he wants you, he should want you and respect you. He’s not doing that right now. It’s clear you’re not on the same page. Keep choosing yourself, OP. ❤️

  3. >but how it also hurt my feelings considering

    You were fishing for an apology or sympathy and he didn’t bite. Instead he told you the ‘truth’ thinking that’s what you’re supposed to do with women you like, be open and honest.

    No, you’re not supposed to be that kind of ‘honest.’ Like telling a girl she looks great in those jeans and not like an overstuffed bavarian bratwurst. What he should have said was, “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt. I should have been more sensitive to you, as we were just starting to get into each other.” Or whatever the fuck he needed to say to keep the sex gravy train rolling – whether he meant it or not. Because now you’re shutdown and not responding to his texts, he’s probably posting on this sub right now, asking people what the fuck is going on.

    Your guy is a truthful idiot. His words may hurt your feelings, but it’s *all* true. Or if you want a lying manipulator to make you ‘feel’ good, ignorance can be bliss. Up to you.

    >What’s a good way to respond to this?

    Let him know what he said hurt your feelings – and then forgive him. He didn’t say those things to hurt you. It came from a good, albeit misguided place.

  4. That’s not drama, I’d feel the same if I guy I was into told me that him and his friend were debating who would go for my friend. I don’t take being the second choice and that’s how I’d feel. Just cut him off your life for good, it is not worth the uneasiness

  5. Low key seems like a red flag to me because if he did this with your old roommate he could do it with a best friend or something
    Like that and just not tell you

  6. A good way to respond is to first stop saying you’re dramatic, you aren’t. Secondly really consider if this guy is worth it, you joke about him getting with your old room mate and his reply is to say she’s attractive in so many words. What??? Respect yourself because he sure as fuck didn’t respect you while he was in your room mate’s dms.

  7. If another girl can “steal” your man, let her. Either he is fully committed and into you, or he is not. I have never worried about other women with my boyfriend, because he is a free man and it is his choice to be with me or not. If another girl has the ability to “steal” him from me, then she can. A relationship should be in between two people that want to be with each other, and spending time worrying about the opposite gender is a waste of time and shows no trust.

  9. Kinda crazy you still went for exclusivity when there was a major red flag. He’s not the one.

  10. “Idk why but I completely shut down” cause homie is still a kid and didn’t realize when to keep quiet about things. I wouldn’t say you’re in the wrong for feeling bad and shutting down.

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