I just got out of a long relationship a few months ago and I am currently not looking to have a relationship. I need to focus on my work and graduate school. There is a girl in my class who I find attractive. We have made out and I was very honest with her that I do not want a relationship. I was honest to a fault. We also went out on a date and messed around but she wouldn’t have sex with me. I kept reminding her that I am not looking for a relationship. She invited me to her birthday party after that and I didn’t go because I didn’t want to give her the wrong impression. She has asked me to study together and I’ve made sure to invite other people so it’s not one on one. I just don’t want to get too close to her and have her get attached. but if she ever wanted to invite me over just to hookup that’d be fine. I’m also currently on Tinder too.
I relented and we have studied together one-on-one a couple times and it’s just so awkward between us because of the sexual tension. I feel like there is unfinished business between us. I find her attractive and we were so close to having sex that time that I feel like she’s almost like teasing me.
Recently she contacted me and said she liked me. I was afraid of this…. I told her (again) I don’t want a relationship. she claimed she knew that. and the conversation was very brief. then a few days after that she contacted me and asked if I wanted to come over. I wasn’t able to that night so i said no.
But all of a sudden now she’s playing coy and giving me the cold shoulder. we were at a end of semester party and she didn’t even come up to me. She saw me for sure. i had to come up to her. but she seemed quite cold and distant. I asked her why she was avoiding me. she said she wasn’t . This was not long after she invited me over to hookup. now all of a sudden she is acting like she isn’t into me?
I saw her the next day too and she walked right past me like she didn’t even see me.
I don’t get it. Why is she always playing games? and what should I do because i’ll have to see her almost daily next semester too. is this going to continue ? i’m hoping i’ll hook up with a lot of different girls over the holiday break so I can move on from whatever this is…
any advice?
12 comments
You turned her down for a relationship, turned her down for a night of sex
She’s not playing games, she’s done. As most of us would be.
She’s attractive but you don’t want a serious relationship with her, then she’s giving you the cold shoulder? Oh boy! Isn’t it obvious?
Dude, just leave her alone. She deserves someone better. As for you, seek someone who isn’t looking for a serious relationship. That’s what you should do.
I am an ethically non-monogamous woman. I do not like one night stands at all, but I do like fwbs. I was intensely crushing on a guy for a bit, and I invited him to a bunch of stuff and he blew me off. I was not interested in him romantically, I just wanted to put his genitals in my mouth. I like you=/=I want to date you. I stopped inviting him to things because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, now if I run into him he pushes for closeness and engages with me.
You verbally communicated that you only wanted casual stuff. She agreed and continued seeing you. It took her a sec to be comfortable having sex with you. A lot of women want to hang out with their fwbs before they have sex. You blew off her birthday party, sexy studying, and her booty call. You seemed like you were playing games and didn’t want the friends or the benefits, so now she is maintaining her distance. That sounds like a normal and reasonable reaction.
You don’t sound like you are very good at communicating. Going to a birthday party isn’t going to make someone get “too attached.” Either go to her and explain the situation, apologize, and hope she hasn’t lost interest or accept that you’ve probably turned her off, and leave her alone.
Here’s the thing – you’ve clearly had all the power in the relationship. She’s playing coy to take some power back. The heart wants it can’t have and she’s showing you
Heaven forbid she just doesn’t come over like shes on speed dial and fuck your brains out. You had a shot you blew it. She is intentionally putting space between you so you fall off and she finds someone else.
she’s moved on, so should you
update?
You’re playing games too, jack. You rejected her twice, now you’re wondering why she isn’t dancing to your beat anymore.
She’s tired of your BS.
Lol she doesn’t want you anymore. That’s really it
She probably found someone better
You said yourself that she wants to date you. She is doing what is best for herself and moving on! Why would you want her to hook up with you when you know she wants more than something casual?? You want to hurt her feelings?? This is such a bizarre post. Y’all want two different things and y’all not hooking up is the best thing for both of you.
ICKKK