My ex who I’ve been seeing again is seeing other people

Hi everybody, I’ll explain this story from the start. I (M 21) had been together with a girl since we were both 15 years old until she decided to dump me in june so we were together for five years. As soon as she dumped me she hooked up with another dude (within probably a week or two) who ended up being a douchebag and hurt her feelings.

At the end of the summer she asked me if I was willing to go to a bar with her to chat. I accepted because even if I felt like I hated her deep down because I felt like she dumped me for no reason (I still don’t to be honnest), a part of me still loved her.

We went to her place after we went to the bar, I was just meant to drop her off and be on my way but she was making it clear that she wanted me to kiss her which I sadly did. I then left her place and we started seeing eachother again about once a week starting at the beginning of september.

I didn’t see anyone else within that time and I expected her to do the same (we were not officialy together but it felt like it). This went on for about 2 to 3 months were I would invite her to the movies, to restaurants, I even bought her an advent calendar for Christmas because she would always have one and even if it seems stupid it was kind of a big deal for her (something I noticed after 5 years of relationship).

Everything was good, I visited her at work, took her to the gym until this week.

I was supposed to see her tuesday evening but she said she had plans and couldnt make it tuesday. I thought nothing of it and said it was fine that we would see eachother later. At 6pm on that tuesday she told me her plans were cancelled and that I could come over if I wanted. I gave up my night with the boys and went to see her and slept at her place.

She told me that she’d do what she was meant to do that evening the following day so wednesday. I said it was fine. Fyi I always told her that it would break my heart if she saw anyone else because since I was a kid I imagined us growing old together. Our families are super close through us too, my father is even building a new house for her mother for half the price he would usualy take. For me it was obvious we would be together for ever.

Wednesday passes and thursday arrives. I get a text from her asking if I could come that evening to her place. I cancel my plans again and say sure even if I think it’s weird because normaly we only see eachother once a week and we had already spent tuesday night together. But I just tell myself it’s cool and nothing to worry about. I even planned to make her food as she finished work at 8pm and brought her favorite chocolate.

I get to her place and she tells me to sit down and that we needed to talk. I sit down and she tells me she saw a dude from her former class who see used to see at school when we were still together and that they made out. I was absolutely heart broken and gut wrenched. She told me we weren’t really together and that she was free to do what she wanted. At first I wanted to leave but again, a part of me still loved her and I stayed. I asked her if she would see him again and she didn’t say no, she said I’ll probably see him when our mutual friends throw parties and stuff.

I was devastated and for an hour we talked. It was not a happy conversation and I asked her why she chose to see him when she could have called me anf I would be there withing the hour. She said she just wanted to try New things and that it didn’t mean anything and that I shouldn’t care about this other guy because I’m the one she loves. I wasn’t happy with the situation and she asked me to leave because she was tired. I almost had an accident on the way home because I was so furious and heartbroken.

When i got home i removed her on all of my social media and told her to go have fun with other guys. 20 minutes later she called me and that part of me that still loves her made me add her again on social media and she even asked me if i wanted to come to her birthday next weekend because she loves me and wants me to be there. She hasn’t appologised or even sent any kind of text to me since

I feel like a complete fool and an idiot and i feel like whenever she gets her feelings hurt by someone else she comes back to me except that she is destroying me little by little. It’s like she wants to see other dudes for fun but have me to be there to go on trips and be a kind of couple when she feels like she needs me. I feel used, I feel dirty, I feel betrayed, I’m really sad since thursday and I’m furious at the same time but I feel like I can’t do anything. If you have any ideas or suggestions or recommandations please tell me because I’m completely lost. Thank you