19F, have a background of depression. I seem to be regressing sexually. I used to be more confident but now I always feel like I’m forcing my bf to touch me or go down on me and I get so much anxiety that I can’t focus and I can’t orgasm. Especially if he cums first, I feel like I am somehow abusing him even if he offers to try to get me off.
I have only managed to cum twice in the 8 months of dating. I feel so insecure that I can’t do it and I’m always focusing on trying to cum. I also feel insecure because he gets upset that he’s doing something wrong even though it’s mostly just my mental block. Many times I’ll get close and then suddenly I’m overstimulated and I can’t finish at all.
In the past I have had partners refuse to reciprocate oral, and with my current partner I went through a high libido period a few months ago where I was turned down a lot. Currently I am the low libido partner. We don’t really engage in non penetrative sexual activities outside of foreplay (e.g. making out, oral/digital, sexting).
I hate freaking out like this. When he is touching me or focusing on me I am on the verge of tears because I feel wrong. I didn’t used to be like this. Please please help.
I don’t want him to leave me because I am having so many issues. I feel awful and guilty.
2 comments
It’s important that you take time to be kind and understanding to yourself during this difficult period. It is completely understandable for someone who has gone through a background of depression to feel anxious about sex, especially when trying new things or facing rejection from past partners. It sounds like your current partner may not understand the difficulty of the situation and it can become easy for him to get frustrated or blame himself.
I would suggest making an effort outside of sexual activities in order build intimacy with each other such as talking about each other’s day or going out on dates together. When you do decide to engage in sexual activities just remember there are lots of different ways people can enjoy themselves without one person feeling pressured or uncomfortable; the goal should be having fun while exploring pleasure together!
I’m 20M and severely depressed, good to know I’m not the only one who physically cannot cum during sex. The most important thing is COMMUNICATION. If you let your partner know about these issues you’re having it’ll feel like weight has been lifted from your shoulders, trust me. Also, sorry if this sounds patronizing but you seem to get in your own head a lot, I’d invest in finding a therapist if you haven’t already. We’re similar ages and my quality of life drastically improved when I started seeing one.