Hello, I am struggling with both my social life and mental health and often have bad days. I tend to push people away when I am feeling sad because I don’t want to drag them down by asking them to spend time with me or telling them about how I’m feeling. I try to share the positives from my life though and I am always around to help others when they need it. My parents always told me that I could tell them anything, but they had four kids and were often busy with the younger three or their jobs or social lives and did not always have the patience to talk to a depressed kid. They did not really believe in mental health (in fairness to them, this has changed now that my youngest sister is also depressed, but I think they still consider me just dramatic because I only got therapy/on medication once I moved out). They sometimes got angry with me as a child for my mental health being poor so I am terrified of being yelled at or blamed for being sad. I would rather just be left alone until the worst of the sadness passes and I can put a smile on again. However I don’t want people to think that I dislike them or am angry or anything. I try to just keep my head down and avoid people when I am sad but sometimes they reach out to see how I am doing or they can tell that I am feeling off. I don’t know how to handle this. If anyone has any advice, I’d appreciate it. Thank you
1 comment
Some truth – ‘not fabulous, but not terrible’, ‘had better days’, ‘eh’ etc when they ask you how you are. They can choose to ask more if they want, but you aren’t unloading everything on them immediately.
If they keep it superficial, you can too. It’s not the best socialisation but it still counts. If they probe further, you could say life is hard and do they have the emotional space to talk about it right now because you don’t want to drag them down. It sounds strange, talking about emotional space and energy, but it’s super respectful – it allows them to check in where they’re up to, provides an easy way for them to hold their boundaries and if they choose to continue you gave them a disclaimer. If it does get them down a bit, that’s on them, not you, because you gave them heads up.
If considering spending time together, you can let them know you’re not as fun/perky/bright/alive as usual but you’d still like their company, if they’re up for it. Bonus points if you go for a walk because you’ll get triple therapy of outside, exercise and socialisation.
It seems your parents aren’t super supportive. You can keep trying them if you wish, but you may be better with friends at the moment.
Do you have any organisations with peer or support workers nearby? They have training to look after themselves when you’re emotionally down, have some experience getting really depressed people engaged and can be a social contact.