why do i attract people with problems or troublesome people around me?

23 comments

1. probably because the relationship you have w your parents, trauma bonds, self sabotage etc

2. Your energy and wavelength lol. I don’t believe it 100% but it’s true for the most part, you either attract you or your counter part. Like if you are an anxious attachment, you will get a narcissist. Things like that. You gotta be a secure attachment style and love yourself and then you’ll attract better people

3. It’s not you, it’s the world. It’s just how things are sadly. Everyone’s uniquely messed up

4. Do they remind you of your parents?

5. People seek to fit in, and gravitate to people who they feel won’t reject them. If they perceive you to be at their level, you’re giving off a vibe.

   Not saying you’re trouble, but there’s something they’re picking up on.

6. Because everyone of us have problems

7. The quote I read somewhere was: “Victims attract narcissists.” If you are a whole, healed person, you will stop attracting these narcissists & attract other whole people.

8. If there is some toxicity in you, you will attract toxic people. For example: If you have poor boundaries with yourself and lack self-confidence and self-respect, then no wonder you attract people who will try to push your boundaries, manipulate you and disrespect you.

9. You’re not picky enough with who you let in your life

10. The secret is that *everyone* attracts toxic people.

    The difference is how people respond to the toxic people they attract.

    * Some people reject toxic people immediately when they sense something is wrong. They go out of their way to approach healthy people and build rapport / friendship.

    * Other people don’t approach others very often and thus find themselves at a lack of friends or relationships. So when a toxic person approaches them, it’s 1) harder to comparatively recognize the toxicity, and 2) harder to reject them even if you know they’re toxic.

11. I’m in the same position as yourself. I’m learning to be more selective about who I talk to and who I let in. The people I usually attract tend to walk all over me but that is due to having a lack of self-respect. The more I started respecting myself, the more I realise when someone is trying to take advantage of me or when someone is solely being my “friend” because they’re bored or their usual group of friends can’t hang out with them, and so on.

    It also helps to just take a moment to yourself and just reflect on what you’ve been through as a younger person. Through recognising what you’re usually exposed to, you’re able to identify what is and what isn’t good for your being – emotional and mental included.

12. [https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani](https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani)

    I expect some of her content will resonate with you. I hope it helps.
    Elaborating on what one poster said about “Victims attract narcissists”
    As you heal and learn more about yourself, your boundaries and how to live and move in the world with authenticity you will find that narcissistic people might initially be interested in you, you might even be interested in them briefly but once their nature comes clear they will remove themselves while hissing and spitting and it might bother you the first few times and soon it will feel like a blessing and like proof of your own growth. I lost five narcissistic/selfish friends this year, and I’ve gained several warm and nourishing friendships. It’s not one for one but it doesn’t have to be.

13. there is a lot of depth to this question. I think a reframe is helpful here: “what’s wrong with me?” is really just “what is not working in my life”

    from there you can stop trying to change WHO YOU ARE and begin changing your habits.

    our habits attract people into our lives. And those people become the relationships that shape our lives.

    so I’d say there’s nothing wrong with you, but there are certainly steps you could take to attract people that inspire and support you. BTW, everyone has problems! but I know what you mean.

    hope this helps and I’m happy to keep talking about it with you!

14. I really think it’s that when you’re accustomed to this, you don’t see the behaviors as a red flag soon enough. It might feel kind and empathetic to be understanding toward people, but if you don’t want bad people around you, you have to end things before you’re too involved. Just cut and run, it’s not the end of the world.

15. I don’t want to sound harsh but it’s your choice to let the people in your life or not. Use discernment and start saying no to people that are troublesome. Use your intuition that God have you, pay attention to red flags. Being nice and kind doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Learn to say no. You got this. Remember you are who companies you keep.

16. you probably enhance or enable their toxic behavior without even realizing it

17. Lots of other people have good ideas, but it could also be the environment you’re in. If you’re mostly surrounded by bad people at your school or town or wherever, you’re bound to make a bad friend or two no matter what type of person you are. Just try not to pick up their mannerisms or behaviors and don’t try to put up with them.

18. What are you like to an outside observer? Friendly but nonconfrontational? Shy and easy to push around? A brick wall that people can say or do anything to with minimal reaction?

    ^ these types of people easily attract abusers because they make easy targets, even when it’s unintentional on the abuser’s part. This is why so many people with Borderline Personality end up with abusive people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (not to say these people are all Narcissists or you have BPD, I don’t know you. These are just extreme examples) they fit together perfectly in the worst way.

    You’re either too friendly with everyone, so people feel comfortable around you, including bad people, who then scare away other good people, or you’re an easy target. It’s hard to say which without knowing you

19. Because you secretly like the drama

20. Typically bc you’re insecure/have flimsy boundaries, so they can treat you poorly and you won’t kick them to the curb

21. I think your problem may be poor boundaries which can totally be worked on. With stronger boundaries you may still attract this people, but they won’t stay in your life long. I think a good start is knowing what your non-negotiables are. For example some of my friend non-negotiables are:

    I don’t put energy into people that drain me

    I don’t hang with people that are heavy drug users

    I find out if someone had a growth mindset and if they don’t, then I don’t hang with them.

22. I kinda feel like most people are traumatized in some way. It’s hard to meet people who aren’t troubled in some way because most people aren’t perfect.

23. I’ve always wondered the same thing about some people. It just makes your life harder. I believe people like it or they just fail to notice the signs. It could be that you feel relatable in some way. But I’m not a psychologist, so…