Relatively healthy 22m libido loss

Hey, so, everything you might need to know is that I lead very healthy lifestyle, medical and bioscience is kinda my hobby but a big part of life, but I feel a bit startled on this one.

I exercise, eat well, practice good sleep hygiene, keep stress levels in check, but I have some nasty chronic issues related to gut health.

I do take SSRIs, more specifically escitalopram, in cycles, it never affected my libido negatively, I experience pretty strong acute effects in the begining of a course, basically feeling a bit manic and can have increased sex drive because of it.

But nowadays it’s just gone, I barely have any libido for a bit more than a month now, when I first came into this relationships I had it going crazy good, daily sex multiple times a day, could go multiple rounds in a row, but now I barely even have a morning wood.

I can force myself to get hard, but I still lack the interest, it upsets my partner a lot and I feel ashamed but when she starts giving this obvious signals, you know just sexy face and a bit of moaning or a pose or something I just feel bad about myself and it only makes me irritated because I’m not interested at all and feel negative about myself because of it.

I tried to talk it through multiple times, asking to take things slower, giving me some space and letting me calm down and try to initiate things myself when I want to because it became a psychological issue for me, I’m not even sure where this comes from, sex became this negative topic for me, source of stress and shame and inadequacy.

I feel that it ruins my relationships, I feel insecure because of it, she has pretty high sex drive and I feel like if I won’t satisfy her she will easily find someone on the side which would be very easy for her to do, especially given her past (which I try not to judge or hang myself onto).

Being in Ukraine and struggling with finding a job brings some issues on the table too, I have 4 years of experience as a web developer, out of about a hundred applications I only got 1 technical interview that I failed miserably despite having experience working on a large scale projects even as team lead, doing loads of heavy lifting or even being sole front end developer for very big platforms.

This financial issue makes it a very hard decision for me to try medications/drugs/supplements, I know all this medical stuff and how it works, I have ideas on what I can take to improve the situation, but due to circumstances – the budget is tight, I basically didn’t make any money ever since the war started and am living from the budget I set aside + humanitarian help.

Studying philosophy and basics of CBT helps of course, I recognize main issues, try to keep cool, but…

I don’t know what should I do, so maybe someone over here has any idea or advice, I don’t have any friends or someone to talk about this stuff, so I decided to make this post.

Thank you, kind strangers.