This is a throwaway account
So my girl and I were going through a rough patch this year because she was dealing with depression and the intimacy just wasn’t there. I was super horny and I began texting escorts for stress release and attention. She found this out 3 months ago and it caused a huge fight. I felt bad that I never brought up the intimacy issue with her or if she was dealing with anything. After the argument she started therapy and trying to fix the intimacy issue..we have sex 3 or 4 times a week now and she blows me every other day to completion or when we have a chance she will give me oral. Usually it happens in the shower but she pretends she is an escort and if she is giving me a hj she starts describing the women in the ads that she found me texting. It makes me uncomfortable…when we’re finished I try and give her a kiss and she says “no kissing..150 right?” And she just leaves and goes to bed. I don’t know what to think of this…I kinda feel bad but I don’t know how to talk to her about this Does anybody have advice?
10 comments
My advice? Talk to her about it… There’s something unresolved with the whole escort thing.
Did you actually ever go through with the escort encounters? You might try asking her for the “Girlfriend experience”
She’s hurt and showing you her disappointment.. Apologize to her and make her smile with witty replies that are funny.. Then hug her and tell how sorry you’re and promise her to never go down that road again.
I mean the moment things got tough you cheated. Even if it didn’t go further than texts you sought others out for sex. She’s acting like this because she can’t get past that.
You didn’t love her enough when she was going through her worst shit. You could have watched porn but you went out of your way to find someone, to pay them. You set that standard of what you value most in a relationship, and now she’s going with that.
You wanted a whore and now she’s acting like one. Until you can convince that isn’t what you value most, that you love her none of this is going to go away.
Go to couple therapy.
Take ownership of your mistake and show her remorse. Then give her very strong words and actions of affirmation and convince her this will never happen again. If this situation does come back in the future be open and honest with her and that will put her at ease.
She’s either passive-aggressively communicating how hurt she is by what you did, or genuinely trying to fulfill what she thinks is a major fantasy for you.
In either case, more communication is needed to figure out what the issue is and hopefully work through it.
You straight up cheated and you really hurt her in this. Of course she is acting this way. It’s what you sought out and now this is what she thinks you truly want in a partner. She most likely doesn’t think she is good enough sexually for you unless she does that.
You need to have a very honest discussion with her about this. Take full personal responsibility for your behavior. This is a step that gets often missed in emotional conversations but… you need to actively listen to what she is saying without judgment or getting defensive. You are really not going to make any progress with her unless you do this. As you tune into her and hear how she feels about all of this the discussion can go deeper. Healing is going to take time. No one just bounces back after they have been emotionally destroyed and betrayed by someone they thought they could trust.
y’all should try couples therapy. you’re not equipped to try mitigating this just the two of you.
you emotionally cheated on her by seeking sexual release from other women through text.
I think you should feel good. Apologize deeply to her. Let her know that you were really missing HER. Then role play. Get into it. She obv wants you. Otherwise she wouldn’t be working so hard at it.
You showed her what you wanted, now she’s giving it to you. She probably feels like she’s not *enough* (good enough, hot enough, attractive enough, woman enough, etc etc etc) to keep you interested in her since… well, you weren’t… so she’s trying to be what she knows makes you “happy”.
Welcome to the consequences of your actions? Keep talking it over, keep reassuring her, give her time to recover from the pain. Hopefully things will improve.
Next time don’t make such a dick move