I [M22] am completely still hung up on the idea of both my ex [F21] of 1.5 years who broke up with me a year ago and my girl best friend [F21] who I am pretty damn close to being in love with but is completely unattainable for a variety of reasons. This is causing me to have problems when I am talking to new girls who are showing interest in me and that they like sharing time with me but I am unable to find the same interest in them because I they aren’t who I want them to be. I know people say just get them out of your head and it’s will be okay but these two girls are who I see as absolute perfection in my eyes. Different from each other but both perfect in their own ways. My ex and I broke up primarily because our entire relationship was separated by distance and there was no foreseeable end to that so it’s not like there was any painful heartbreak where she did me wrong to make me stop loving her. It feels like the other half of my heart is just across the country and there is nothing I can do about it. For the girl best friend I am probably too close with her but she has a boyfriend and I just click with her so unbelievably well in every way.
I’ve had three or four situationships with girls in this past year since breaking up with my ex and all of them have ended with them being sweet, very nice, cute, funny girls but they all fall short in someway that really makes me lose interest fast and I am worried that I am being too picky and missing out on opportunities that I should be taking advantage of because the situation is presenting itself to me. I want some kind of validation that I shouldn’t be settling for less than what I want but I know people aren’t perfect so it’s hard for me to completely accept that. Should I be less picky with these girls and take what I can get or should I stay strong and keep searching for the girl that I think is truly right for me.
TL;DR! I am struggling finding a new girl because none of them are meeting the expectations that my ex/ girl best friend have set for me.
4 comments
You aren’t being strong. You’re scared. Unavailable women are safe. You can stare at them and think about them but they’ll never get close enough to hurt you. They’ll never find your flaws. They’ll never reject you.
You’re also being a false friend to a girl with a BF all in the hopes that she will get with you.
Start by being alone for a while. You’re not over your ex and you’re not emotionally available for a new partner. You’re looking at each new partner hoping that they are going to fill the void the ex left. They aren’t ever going to do that. Don’t look for a replacement of your ex. You don’t want to be compared with some other guy, don’t do that with your gfs
People on a pedestal in your head will never show you their flaws. It’s unfair to the real people in front of you, as their flaws aren’t hidden under a blanket of unrequited admiration.
It’s also perfectly fine to enjoy the company of whomever you’re with. Go out and learn how to be in a low-key relationship. Consider engaging in the “practice” of relationships, so you’re experienced and ready when you find someone you want to be more serious with.
Ride that fine line between keeping things casual and allowing yourself to be a little bit vulnerable. Focus on the people you’re with and don’t talk about your ex if you can avoid it.
You are not ready for a new girlfriend. Work on yourself. And have fun with you bff. And enjoy being single. You are young. Enjoy your youth. The right partner will appear.