Alright so I know there’s nothing wrong with it but I’m 23 male and I only have sex with guys.
I really want a wife and kids but men are much easier to have sec with than women like on grindr and such. Also dating girls is really hard now a days. I’ve been working on myself a lot over the past few months and have made great progress but I cannot accept this part of myself. I do wanna say I have discovered this is a trauma response to being sexually abused as a kid. I only receive oral and it’s anonymously because it’s the thing I lacked due to the trauma and my friend broke my trust by telling people so that’s why it’s anonymous. Any advice?
I do wanna mention I don’t find men physically or emotionally attractive and I don’t seek companionship with men. I usually look at a women’s ass or tits when I see them.
I also wanna mention since I’ve never had a relationship with a girl I usually end up imagining what it’s like becoming obsessive and then projecting myself to feel vulnerable, this is one of the ways I can feel vulnerable. I am trying to do this without a relationship tho
4 comments
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of complex emotions. I think therapy would be very beneficial over time.
By definition yes it’s an addiction but it’s also a trauma response. You don’t feel anything other than the physical gratification, there’s no emotional bond that would make you vulnerable again. are you seeing a counsellor that specializes in trauma?
Yes I am, I am doing my best to stop going on apps and hooking up anonymously
My advice: that’s not a friend, cut them out. Also, I recommend therapy and counseling to deal with your circumstances before getting in a relationship. Also, pay attention to your self talk. How we talk about or see pursed and the boundaries we break shows how we really feel about ourselves