Any tips for stopping nervous reflexes? If I’m going into a social situation, I can set my mind straight and check in with myself throughout. But when I run into people or get caught off guard, I fall back into a pattern I really want to break. I tend toward a pessimistic tone, I sound tense and I often forget to ask other people about themselves, which i don’t typically do when relaxed! This happened today and I was aware of it while it was happening, but I was so tense I couldn’t get my mind to chill out! This has also happened in more serious situations, like when confronted by bosses— like I’ll just nod and agree when I should be standing up for myself or giving a little more of my opinion. I just reflexively go into mouse-mode then feel dumb after, because I know better. How can I gain more control in those unexpected social situations?
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I often do this myself and then kick myself for doing it later. If I actively try to not do this, then I tend to be a bit if an ass. Looking forward to seeing some good advice being shared.
I find that I do a bit better if I acknowledge what’s going on with me. I don’t necessarily want to tell every random person what’s truly happening in my brain, but I’ll say something like “wow you caught me off guard/startled me, I was all up in my own thoughts” or I’ll tell them I slept badly and my brain is all mushy or w/e. I might make a somewhat self deprecating joke about how frazzle minded I am or how easily I get startled and ask them how they’re doing first, so I get a second to collect myself.
If it’s something serious I’ll ask people if it’s ok for me to take a moment to clear my thoughts and get back to them. Like “You caught me off guard, I was thinking about project x, I might need a minute to pull my thoughts together, can I get back to you on that? You can also do some of that retroactively, tell people they caught you at a bad time and you would like to clarify/apologize/elaborate or w/e
I know it’s not that easy, but just having a default line or two to throw at people in certain situations has helped me to be a bit less anxious 🤷