How does Southern Hospitality compare to Middle Eastern Hospitality?

16 comments

1. I’m not really familiar with middle eastern hospitality so I can’t really say. But southern hospitality in practice is doing small gestures that have big impacts. Such as getting a glass of water or tea for someone if it’s hot out. Having seen it played out a lot, I can say that there is a mindset of “it’s a small thing for me to do to make this person’s day better”.

2. Hmmm… southern hospitality is more general niceness. “Like how is your day, welcome to _____. “ giving directions and recommendations. Just generally being pleasant but like middle eastern hospitality is more direct like you’re coming over my house for dinner and I’m gonna make you eat until it’s physically not possible for a human being to eat more.

   I’ve often heard people visiting the United States are like shocked at how talkative people are here asking about their day and stuff, and like the stereotypical southern hospitality is basically that times ten with a bit of twang in the voice and more sugar then you’d ever need in your tea.

3. Why do you think we know enough of ME hospitality to say? Plus, that’s a huge region. Hospitality is going to vary a lot.

4. Instead of hot Arabic teas, people in the Southern US will give you cold sweet tea.

5. I’ve spent time in both regions. It’s an interesting question.

   Middle Eastern hospitality seems very individual. People are very welcoming to specific people. Service in hotel for a guest are excellent. If you have an opportunity to visit someone’s home, it’s incredible. But this doesn’t seem to extend to the broader population. I find people ruder in public in the ME.

   In the South, you’ll find general niceness to the broader population including strangers. But hospitality is less intense at an individual level. Service isn’t bad, but it is nowhere near the individualized service that you get in the ME.

6. I’d bet big money that I’ll be way more welcome in the South than in the middle east…. No comparison.

7. Southern hospitality kinda irks me. It’s like a fake politeness with nasty bits disguised as “charm”

8. [deleted]

9. They’re both weird. Not “bad” weird, but they’re things with subtexts that makes them hard to parse as an outsider.

   Or to a degree, there’s some ritualistic hospitality to both. The Middle Eastern variety could be hard to navigate because there was a lot of signaling that was hard to read. It’s hard to really describe so much as, like there’s almost contractual hospitality, you’re X, they’re Y, they hate you but because you’re X this means full spread is out and you’re getting bombed when you leave because that’s how they really feel (this is, to be clear not a SO MIDDLE EAST BAD, it’s just an example of the extreme “this isn’t what it looks like at face value”).

   The South feels the same. Or the passive aggressive “haha I am hiding my casual racism/sexism/disapproval behind being super polite” isn’t as subtle as I felt they thought it was. This is much the same in the middle eastern example that it shouldn’t be taken as “so I hate the south” it’s just from a place that’s a lot less overtly nice, just there feels like there’s less subtext, or it’s more binary, either I like you so we’re talking or I’m not making eye contact with you because you’re on the spectrum of not-like.

   This is all talking in hyperbole to be illustrative, but like back home someone offers you a beverage it’s pretty at face value. Both the Middle East and the South are hard to parse because the “kindness” can be a social constructs not reflective the actual situational dynamics.

   With that said, especially “lower” society settings it’s much more informal and much more warm, but that requires a kind of social penetration that isn’t dissimilar to elsewhere. Like the “don’t sit next to me” standoffish nature to Northwestern Americans and the Southern overt social hospitality are the same levels of distance, just with different trim is what I’d propose, and both are layers to go through to get to more genuine social experiences.

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   1. With all my negativity aside, once you’re “in” with either Southern or Middle Eastern society you are very in. Best friends. Let me introduce you to the entire family, my friends, here’s access to everything I own. It’s amazingly warm.
   2. Both have serious unspoken rules that need to be understood to parse what’s going on. It’s harder for outsiders in both situations (especially hard if you’re not speaking the local language) because often they’re just assumed you know what you’re doing.
   3. Middle Eastern hospitality oddly enough is easier to turn down politely. Or the way you stop the infinite tea/plate refills is leave the last 5% in the cup/dish. If you empty the plate you’re saying it’s not enough give me more. Last little bit says “I am so full I can’t manage even this last bite.” Similarly saying “no” three times (polite nos!) also is a way to turn down things offered. Also understanding it is customary to offer things of great value but not expected you take them is really important (or understand it’s a sign of hospitality that they would go this far because they are a good host, please don’t take my TV, not an offering because you’re great). The South feels a little looser, perhaps it’s more tolerant of waste but still harder to extract from what might be again, a ritualistic “we are being friendly as mandated by society” event. Like am I eating all of your food/drinking all your stuff and you’re getting annoyed or is it important that this night ends with my cup absolutely full?
   4. Middle East wins on food. This isn’t a dig against the South, just when you have the full “welcome to my house” deal going on in the ME it’s so much. I have no idea why practicality Arabic food hasn’t taken off more in the US (it can be simple, but it’s simple in the same way Mexican food is a few basic ingredients that the preparation and seasoning make pretty amazing).
   5. Both are also societies that you need a list of things to never bring up before going into. The dramatic swing when you touch one of these topics is insane but they’re inconsistent (generally avoid religion at all costs, allow the host to talk about politics but offer no strong opinions, but somehow you’re supposed to know not to talk about cousin Frank even if you had no idea that Frank existed until they mentioned him 2 minutes ago)

10. These come from different places, I think.

    *Armenian* hospitality (not exactly the same as arab hospitality, but still) which I grew up with is all about treating guests well & impressing them; a family member is well known for pouring cheap alcohol into expensive bottles and continually opening those as special occasions for guests. Because though he can’t afford the real stuff, it’s very important as a big gesture of hospitality. But that OTT good will is specific to guests, friends, and family members.

    Southern hospitality is honestly pretty common to rural areas across the world; it’s a “time moves slower here, so I’m in a relaxed and socially attentive state of mind even while in public”. You get & give little genuine displays of good will in all sorts of small interactions & you expect a much slower pace in social interactions than you’d get in a big city.

11. I lived in the South and had one Middle Eastern neighbor.

    I felt no difference in “hospitality” from my home state of Massachusetts when I lived in the South. (more random people talk to you about weather and such)

    But when I did something nice for my Middle East neighbor it felt like an escalating game of thank you. They did something so kind as thank you I had to thank them, and so on.

    They are the nicest and most generous neighbors I’ve ever had in my life.

    Southerners are more likely to talk to strangers for sure. But that’s where the difference in the regions ends.

    Middle Eastern generosity is a bit more like Minnesota nice.

12. People in the Southern US are 1000 times more hospitable to women for one major difference

13. Depends what you mean by Middle-Eastern.

    In Afghanistan I was acquainted with the concept of Pashtunwali and was offered it.

    I’d say that was more ritualized and deep rooted than the equivalent in the states.

    That said I have seen guns drawn over honor and hospitality in certain places in the South by people defending strangers they had invited into their home.

    Some real cowboy honor shit.

    And then Ive seen the opposite too.

    So Id say Pashtunwali is similar though stronger.

    I cant speak for the other various peoples and traditions in the “middle east”

14. > but how does that compare to the hospitality culture of the Middle East **which is pretty well known?**

    Is it? Well-known by who?

15. Middle Eastern hospitality is a lot more focused on hosting people in your home and giving them food and offering gifts. Southern hospitality is about being extremely polite and gracious in public places and at parties.

16. Southern Hospitality is in it’s own league. I would maybe compare Middle Eastern Hospitality to the Mid West hospitality both are a bit stand offish unless they know you but more similar in manners.