So me and my GF have been dating for around 4 years and known each other for 6 years. We have a great relationship, we are always there for each other, rarely fight and we both enjoy being young and free in our 20s etc traveling and doing cute stuff.
Her mom although has always had something against me and I have no idea why. She constantly casts doubts on our relationship in small little comments and still won’t admit to herself that me and my S/O live together. She bought “us” a lot of our kitchen stuff but told us it’s not for me and just for my S/O and constantly refers to the apartment and everything in it as my S/Os even though I pay all the bills.
Anyways we went over to her house on thanksgiving, she didn’t make any food so we just chilled at the house for a bit, when we first got there the mom pulled away my S/O upstairs and they talked in private for about an hour, I knew something was up I just had a feeling, after we left I flat out asked my S/O if that conversation was about me and she said no. I asked again and she said “I promise it wasn’t about you”. About 2 weeks later my GF casually mentioned that she got a text from her mom about me and it was something along the lines of “about what we talked about on thanksgiving I know you love him but I don’t think it’s right” it was something along those lines. I know this text was about me my S/O said it.
This means my S/O lied to me about what the thanksgiving conversation was about, how do I bring this up to her.
TLDR; my girlfriends mom keeps doubting our relationship and had a secret one on one with my S/O and my girlfriend denied it was about me
4 comments
Your girlfriend is trying to manage her family to keep you out of unproductive BS. That’s what a good SO does. I gather she thought it was a white lie to say the convo wasn’t entirely about you–not great, but I think her hearts in the right place. You can maybe share with her how much you appreciate her and how she stands by you and doesn’t drag you into her mother’s drama, but she doesn’t have to lie to keep you happy. Maybe next time don’t push her to tell you what her mother says to her, there’s nothing to be gained it seems
>constantly refers to the apartment and everything in it as my S/Os even though I pay all the bills.
…why are you paying all the bills?
You should have used the opportunity to confront her mum when she said all this stuff about it being ‘her’ apartment. Like asking her why she refers to it as her daughter’s when you’re paying all the bills.
In regards to your problem of how to bring it up… Does it even matter how? Your girlfriend already went back on what she told you, so she must know by now that you know she wasn’t initially telling the truth?
She is trying to preserve some peace and save you some pain. Her mom has probably said some hurtful things about you that your gf is embarrassed about, and doesn’t think it’s fair to you to burden you with her mom’s BS.
I think it’s okay to talk about this, but also try not to take it as a personal slight, and I don’t see this lie the same as lying about other stuff. I would say something along the lines of, “I know your mom doesn’t like me, and I know part of why she pulled you aside at Thanksgiving was to talk about me. I don’t really care that much that you lied about it, but I’d like to be able to have more open and honest communication about this so that we can know we’re on the same page and we can work through this together.”
This is a conversation you should only approach with calmness. If you are going to get riled up about this little lie or something her mom said, then it might just be better to leave it be.
I’m in a similar situation, my father doesn’t approve of my relationship with my boyfriend. He asked why we didn’t go to my parents house for thanksgiving despite my extended family being there, to which I finally told him.
To give you a perspective on how your girlfriend may be feeling since I’m on that side of things, personally for me I feel like it would of been more harm than good. I knew eventually that it would surface, but I wanted to try my best to protect his feelings because it had nothing to do with him but everything to do with the twisted view my father has. I’ve never had a good relationship with him, not sure if that’s also the case with your gf and her mom.
Best thing to do I think is just try to have a one on one conversation with her about it despite how hard and uncomfortable it may seem. It seems like she’s trying to protect your feelings but in the end it’s an important conversation to have.