Is it acceptable for my gay friend to do this to my boyfriend?

21 comments

1. Straight dude here,

   Me n the boiz do that to each other and it’s not that weird (but we would also like never go after each other like that)

   So I guess it depends on if he would ever go after him like that

   Like for example if he did that to like a pet dog it’s valid cause he wouldn’t never go after a dog like that

   So you just need to see if he would go after him like that

2. Only you can decide if it crosses your boundaries or not. If it did, tell your boyfriend

3. I think it’s inappropriate. If it was a girl that did the same you’d be annoyed right? It’s the same as he likes guys. And your bf is in a relationship.

4. It’s the context and intention that matters… And your boundaries ofc.

   I personally kiss everyone, and if my gay friend kissed my bf on the cheek to say hello or I love you bro I wouldn’t mind.

   If I thought he was hitting him that would be different, but I guess it’s whatever you’re comfortable with?

   The main thing is you trust your boyfriend.

5. Your gay friend seems like he wants to sexually assault him

6. It’s in the eye of the beholder my friend. You don’t find it acceptable, so it’s not acceptable. I would just ask politely not to do it again, pepper it with a ‘I know this is silly, but…’.

   Just bring it up, see if it stops, don’t let it gnaw on you. Again, what is acceptable is based on your opinion not mine. Just make sure you don’t blow it out of proportion when addressing it and you’ll be good.

   To wit, a good friend of mine told me once it really bothers him I call his cat chubs – as it’s a super fat cat. He said it calmly and directly.. so I don’t call his fat cat chubs. And life goes on.

7. I understand where you would feel disrespected by this and it’s your choice to keep this person as a friend or not. But if you want to talk to them about it maybe identify whatever evidence you have of him doing this before and ask if he did that on accident? I feel like it could make things awkward if you accuse him right away and maybe it was a mistake. Maybe you guys can try to take him to a gay bar or help him find him a partner of some kind?

8. I think what matters is does it make you or your bf uncomfortable? If he’s fine with it and you are not then the two of you should have a talk about that and you can explain why you don’t like it. Even if bf is fine with it and you are not I’d still talk to friend about it. He’s doing something that makes you uncomfortable which he might not be aware of. If he continues to do it when he knows it bothers you he isn’t a friend.

9. Just out of curiosity, how would you feel if your girlfriend had done that your boyfriend? I would call your friend out on it and tell him it’s not appropriate. He doesn’t get to kiss your boyfriend on the neck.

10. It’s not ok if it bothers you

11. yeah that’s definitely crossing a boundary, i suggest maybe talking to the friend about it? & if they can’t respect you or your partner than maybe cut them off

12. Is your boyfriend very close to your gay friend? Is this your friend and your boyfriend is just hanging out with y’all? Is this something your friend does with you?

    Honestly it doesn’t matter if it’s something you’re not comfortable with. Like someone else asked. Would you be okay with this is if it was a woman?

13. His reaction to your drunk ramblings is way out of proportion. This is abusive, immature and mean. Also, you only have his word for what happened. Is it possible someone spiked your drink?

    He sounds awful. You did not make a big mistake other than possibly drinking too much.

    A nice, kind, and caring boyfriend would put the situation in the past and never mention it again. That is what you deserve. I would run from this guy.

    If you want to stay, you need to stand up to him and stake some boundaries: it was a drunken night in the past. Forget it. Stop talking about it.

14. I think it depends on if he does this with other people. I’ve met a few people in my life that kiss on the cheek when they hug you and it doesn’t mean anything.

    It sounds like maybe he doesn’t do this with others, in which case I’d say it’s inappropriate. Additionally, whether this is common for him to do with others or not, if your bf doesn’t like it your friend needs to respect that and stop.

15. If its not okay for your straight friends then it aint okay for your gay ones. Boundaries are Boundaries regardless of sexuality

16. I would definitely think it’s strange and inappropriate. I talk to him about it and most likely end the friendship. It’s not ok to sexually assault someone.

17. It’s inappropriate to kiss on people you’re not dating. He’s being disrespectful to your relationship.

18. Does this friend get overly affectionate with everyone when he drinks or just your boyfriend? Some people just are like that ( huggy and kissy) Still if you don’t like it tell him to stop.

19. Putting ‘bro’ on the end seems to be pretty emphatic that he sees him as a friend. No one says ‘bro’ or ‘mate’ to someone you have sexy feelings for.

    Don’t worry about it.

    Eta: ok, so he has a history of liking your boyfriend..maybe if he does it again have a quick word with him.

20. Would it be ok if a woman did it to your husband, or if another guy did it to you? It makes no difference their sexual orientation. Being gay does not give you immunity from being a weirdo.

21. Talk to both your gay friend and boyfriend. Tell your gay friend the boundaries you have and how you found it inappropriate to kiss your boyfriend on the neck when your boyfriend is dating you. And tell your boyfriend what you had put your boundaries at and how you feel about it.

    Please, be honest and forward about how you feel. Considering, it is not alright even if it was a female person who did the same thing.