How can I achieve this goal? I’m pretty tough with myself, I mean, I usually blame myself for my failures or whatever happen in my life that not in my favor. This makes me appears like an asshole to apply this to people around me whenever they reach out to me sharing their life issues, I tend to give them advices instead of cheering them up or wiping away the tears. Am I the worst friend? Will I be dying alone? Thanks for hearing me out.
4 comments
Often when people are sharing their issues they aren’t necessarily looking for a solution, they just want someone to commiserate with them.
Sometimes this sounds something like “Damn bro that sucks. You deserve better. Next round of drinks is on me.” Although this can vary with context.
I will ask people if they’re looking for advice or support to know how I can best be there for them.
You are probably not the worst friend. You have the rest of your life to determine whether or not you will die alone. No one here is qualified to answer that question anyway.
There is a book called “I hear you” that I think would do you wonders. It helped me a lot. Reading is easier than practicing but, I have faith in you!!
I think taking responsibility for your own life is great, but could you do it with a more positive and constructive attitude, rather than being harsh about it?
When it comes to other people, what you have is a more specific version of trying to offer solutions when people are mainly seeking empathy. It’s a common problem, especially but not only for men. Easy to find people talking about what to do instead. It’s definitely a good skill to cultivate.
Lol don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a fixer – which I find all the guy friends I have who are higher on the masculine scale tend to be the same way. They prefer to jump to a solution instead of sitting in emotions. I can be the same way but I’m also very feminine so I can kinda go back and forth. You’re not gonna die alone! Haha just communicate your love language to whoever it is you end up choosing. As far as boosting empathy skills go – READ NOVELS. Lol it’s very time-consuming but incredibly good for the brain and for boosting personal discipline. If you read books in which the characters are relatable to you and are going through emotionally volatile situations, you’ll be strengthening the skill. The book has to actually interest you though so pick something with a hero you can really see yourself in – that’s if you even do it – lol every time I suggest reading to someone, they usually don’t so no digital pressure 😆. You’re a good person. If you don’t have the words to console someone, sometimes just a listening ear and a touch on the shoulder is enough. Sometimes it’s better