I feel like I only have surface level friends right now. I only really talk to them at school, sometimes text, but I rarely hang out with them. I don’t really know how to ask and I never get asked to hang out with someone. When I do text, I mostly feel like I’m an annoyance.
I’m don’t think I’m anyones best friend, and I don’t even know who is my best friend.
I really want to form a deeper friendship with someone, but I just don’t know how.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
4 comments
Honestly I’ve been struggling with that a lot too. I just think you have to ask people with no shame, and spontaneously, and have lots of energy, positive energy, it will make people want to spend time with you. Also if you find something you have in common, you can find an activity related to it and then it’s easier to ask
> When I do text, i mostly feel like I’m an annoyance.
Relatable😓
I think in order to have deeper friendships you have to reveal something deep about yourself. This can open up the gateway to vulnerability. Also asking open ended questions can help build connection. For example “what is meaningful about “insert topic” to you?”. I also think about what I can offer versus expecting someone to offer me.
Are you able to be open and vulnerable w people? Do you have a deep relationship with yourself? Do you find yourself interesting? If you answered no to any of these questions its probs a big part of your problem.
If you dont feel interesting, look at comedy–a lot of comics take mundane shit and find whats funny abt it. Even the most boring situation can make a great story, its all abt finding the right angle or zeroing in on that one ridiculous part of your day where someone said something super left field or something and using that as your focal point. When you can make someone laugh, esp when its relatable like day to day bs, you’ll immediately draw that person in. Just be careful you’re not putting someone down or being mean in trying to be funny.
If you feel like an annoyance, you’re probs making yourself and your responses small to minimize the annoyance you are perceiving other ppl feel abt you. People pick up on that and respond accordingly. I am a big fan of replying with gifs in texting, esp when the convo needs to end and feels bland. I’m much more into in person convos.
Make your own events if you’re not being invited. When i was in high school i was big into the board game risk and was always trying to get as many people to play, either after school or at a local cafe we could walk to. Now that im an adult, i like to host and will invite 5 to 10 people to make it more casual. Usually ill expect half or less ppl to actually show up and if im worried abt attendance ill make sure to tell them they can bring a plus one or two–another way to expand your friends circle.
If those arent valid options, try finding pre existing groups and either invite ppl along or go alone and/or try to make friends there. Keep in mind you may meet a bunch of people and may have to try out a couple different groups before you make a connection, and thats okay. If it takes 6 months to find a friendship that lasts years, decades, or your whole life the long run pays off.
I’d suggest the youtube channel charisma on command, some shit you have to take w a grain of salt but they have a lot of great tips and tricks that have helped me.
Good luck, hope you find your people ❤️