I (M18) just lost my virginity with my gf. I really love her and I’ve been so lucky to have her. However, I have a lot of issues and insecurities that I don’t know how to talk about.
1. Oral sex doesn’t feel like anything: When I had oral for the first time, it was a great feeling. However, I never felt like I was going to finish from being unable to hold it in. I had to focus on ejaculating in order to finish. it doesn’t just happen naturally. This hasn’t been the case with masturbation and porn, which I don’t frequent often (maybe a couple times a week, at most).
2. Basically, sex doesn’t feel that great. I have a penis that’s (allegedly) bigger than her previous partner’s, which was smaller than average. However, vaginal sex just doesn’t really feel like anything to me. Even for my first time I had trouble getting my penis erect in order to have sex. I’m attributing this to our 4-5 hour long session of will we/won’t we where I kept getting erect and then losing my erection. I had sex for at least over an hour and was unable to finish, even though this was my first time having sex. I thought that most virgins find it hard to hold in their ejaculation, so I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have not been able to finish with vaginal sex. Both times I have had sex were in the same 24 hour time frame, so maybe my penis is tired. I only managed to finish with oral both times, but even then it took 10-30min. For my first time having sex, it went on for about an hour before deciding to just switch to oral to finish. For my second time, it lasted about an hour and a half before switching to oral. The fact that I can’t finish from sex has provided my gf with an insecurity that her body isn’t good enough for me and I don’t know how to approach that. I really like her a lot.
3. My gf hasn’t ever finished: My gf has never had an orgasm (allegedly). She doesn’t know how to masturbate and finds porn gross. This makes me insecure with how I never feel like what I’m doing is good enough for her.
4. My gf has to take a lot of breaks: Many times she says she is getting “over-stimulated”, is “gonna pass out” if we keep going, there’s “too much friction” after going for a while, or that “it’s just really big” (6in isn’t that big(?)). We use a silicone based lube and apply it pretty often. When I lost my virginity, she was on top of me in cowgirl and had to take a break: my penis was still in her. This break lasted probably around 5 minutes and at that point I stopped being hard and the condom fell out into her vagina where she had to fish it out. This was embarrassing for both of us… With a lot of these break, I just end up waiting. I’m absolutely fine taking breaks, as I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. However, these breaks sort of just take me out of it.
5. My penis is angled weird: My penis has a weird natural angle when erect. My penis itself has a straight shaft that has no curve in any direction. However, it point up at probably around a 45 degree angle (with my stomach being 90 degrees). The issue is that when I pull down on my penis, anywhere past the 180 degrees mark begins to feel uncomfortable/hurts.
6. Cowgirl sorta hurts: It’s fine when my girlfriend is on top of me, but when she leans back it begins to hurt. This just sucks because it’s one of her favorite position. It kind of hurts my penis.
7. I’m bad at sex: Maybe it’s because I’m new at sex, but I find it hard to keep rhythm while having sex. I’ll be keeping pace for a while, but then fall out of it and struggle to find it again. Also, find missionary difficult while on a bed. I’m 6ft and my gf is 5ft 6in so I don’t know if there’s an issue of proportion or what.
8. It takes me too long to finish: This is the issue I am struggling with the most. I haven’t been able to finish with sex and it’s lasted for over an hour and a half before switching to oral where it took me around 10-30 minutes to finish. My gf says 45min is about the extent to what she’s been used to and is what’s convenient. I really wish I could finish for her. She really wants to make me feel good, but I’m causing her to be insecure by not being able to finish in a timely manner. I’ve never had issues before on my own.
Basically, my gf and I have trouble in bed that’s causing us both a lot of insecurities. We both love each other a lot and sex isn’t going to ruin that. The issue is just that sex isn’t that great for me, but my gf really enjoys it. Now, she just feels bad that she can’t make me feel good physically. I literally just lost my virginity a day ago and am already having problems. I don’t know what to do. I really hope that my body was just tired/overworked and that I was nervous. I hope I don’t have issues in the future.
If anyone has any advice, ideas, or thoughts, please share them. I want to hear what others think.
13 comments
BREATHE. You are BRAND NEW to sex and I promise you that pretty much nobody is great at sex straight away. You lost your virginity yesterday – it will get better with time and practice.
My advice would be to communicate openly – which it already sounds like you are which is great – about what you both like/don’t like, and just relax. It’s supposed to be fun, if you feel rushed it won’t be. Take the time to learn what you both enjoy, and you don’t have to do things that don’t feel good for you.
Do you have death grip? Look it up if you’re not sure
You’re putting too much of a premium on orgasms, yours and hers. Both of you sound like you’re too anxious to actually let go and enjoy the experience. Your erection is perfectly normal, and there are some people who have erections which practically point straight up (like 60 degrees or more). Try taking your time with everything. If something is missing from the experience if she’s going down on you, encourage her to try changing up her technique. She may be anxious about being too aroused. You may want to work your way up to intercourse again and just let her play with you manually.
TLDR: Seems like anxiety, bud. Slow it all down and be in the moment.
Boy you are brand spanking new! It takes time! Relax the first time COUPLE of times it’s gonna be weird and clunky but you start to figure out what feels good what position works well for you and your partner. Don’t stress it also if your partner is more experienced she doesn’t expect you to be a sex god first time around lol just relax and have fun try new things and you’ll get there!
My partner told me, when he started having sex, it didn’t feel great either, it”s just a completely different sensation than masturbation.
Receiving oral is really different, too, it’s much softer.
Your body just needs to get used to the sensation.
You’ll get there!
I don’t believe your penis is weird, either. They come in all different shapes, angles and sizes, and you just need to get familiar with how you use it so you and your partner have fun with it.
Regarding cowgirl: it used to be my favourite position with my ex, and I was a bit sad it didn’t work as great with my new partner.
The thing is: you will never have the exakt same dynamic with a new partner. Some things will work less good, but other things will work much better than they did with another person.
With my new partner, we discovered a whole new position I don’t even have a name for, which just blows my mind.
Don’t worry about it. You didn’t hook up randomly, she’s your girlfriend. She’ll be patient, and you’ll both find “your thing”.
The rest has already been mentioned: relax. You’ll get there.
This title should be a country song
You’re probably the kind of man who needs certain things to be present in a relationship so you can cum hard, consistently and be eager. Don’t feel bad. You’re learning what works for you. Relax. A couple works together to make things feel perfect
1. Chill: Part of being able to climax is feeling comfortable and relaxed, and I think you are getting too anxious over it making the matter worse. I have similar problems to yours when I start having sex with a new partner. It takes me multiple sessions with the same partner before it becomes easier for me to climax and finish in a way that feels more natural and not forced.
2. Check your girth: 6″ is not that large, although it is above average, but you should measure how thick you are. If you are too thick and you are using standard condoms it is possible that the condom is killing your sensibility during sex. I had that issue.
3. Experiment: Be thankful that you have a partner that is willing to help you go through this journey. Try different positions with her, different movements, different angles, different speeds, until you find the ones that make you enjoy it the most.
4. Lastly, many women can’t orgasm just with penetration. That’s probably the case with your gf. Learn to play with other parts of her body like her clit during sex. You’ll eventually learn which body parts she finds the most erogenous.
Just keep practicing and finding positions you like. Try doggie
Both of your problems are anxiety. It’s literally that simple.
Communicate. Be a little kinky. Look up sex positions whether they are oral or vaginal or even anal and send them to her and encourage her to do the same. Talk about situations with sex that make you feel hot like exhibitionism… Or fantasies.
Sex is almost always about communication. Whether it’s a one night stand and you just want to get screwed… Or it’s long-term and you’re figuring out what it is each other likes.
Do things to each other and ask for feedback. Not monotonous like The weather channel but just ask if that feels good… Then switch it up a little bit and ask if that feels good… And give her the same feedback by saying that feels amazing…
COMMUNICATION!
I didn’t start having great sex until years after I lost my V. Consistently great sex – ten years.
Lots of communication is good – and hot, too.
Oral is tricky. A lot of people just aren’t very good at oral in my experience. Also different people like different things. Again communication is key – be open with your partner that what she’s doing isn’t working for you and work together to improve it.
Death grip. You’re desensitized. The kind of porn you consume might play a role in the mental part of orgasm too.
That prolonged hours long sessions of arousal I find often cause a similar inability to cum. I wouldn’t worry too much about it and just try enjoy it. I like it when we can just have sex for ages and not worry about orgasm.
If your partner hasn’t orgasmed via masturbation, they’re unlikely to be able to with sex. It’s nice to orgasm, but everything doesn’t have to revolve around it. For many women it takes a lot of exploration and practice to find what works. It’s not your fault she can’t cum. And it’s not your fault you can’t cum.
It sounds like you are very new to sex, it’s something that takes time to find out what works and what doesn’t. When I lost my virginity we tried cowgirl and it was a disaster, just didn’t seem to fit together right. Eventually we learned how to make it work, then after about 8-10 years (that’s right, years!) we happened to hit *just* the right spot for grinding together and my partner actually cums from penetration alone. Took a long time of experimenting to get there!
The break sounds frustrating, I’d talk about it. Is there anything you can do differently than just sit there? You go on top for a bit? Change positions?