Edit: thanks guys, I may have gotten my answer, I asked not because I thought they wanted to sleep with me but because they were close-ish friends I hadn’t caught up with in a while and the way they asked it felt like they were rooting for me or my marriage to fail, like they thought I was forced to get married and am obviously in an unhappy relationship. These people are unmarried* but in committed relationships. I was disappointed and hurt that they’d ask something out of the blue that just felt intrusive and offensive as I’ve known these people since high school and it feels like they didn’t care how they came across to an old friend. I didn’t know if I was overreacting or not to feel a way about it. Thanks everyone for the comments, I’m sorry to hear that other women go through this. However I don’t think I can keep up with the comments anymore but thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. If a mod would like to lock the thread, that would be fine.
I don’t post at all on social media nor do I discuss marriage problems with anyone, neither does my husband and we are both happy, we hardly argue and we haven’t been married that long. Why do men (some of them are friends I haven’t kept in touch with much) ask me this question? It always reads as if they expect me to have regrets or something. Does anyone else get asked this normally? It really rubs me the wrong way and I always feel like giving a rude answer.
37 comments
Fishing to see if they can have you
They want to put their ding a ling in your whos a whatsit
Some men think that marriage shouldn’t stop them from pursuing you, and if you say no, I’m not happily married its their green light.
Maybe they are asking just to see how things are going? Marriage is a big step, many may be hesitant to take the plunge, and wonder the changes from dating to marriage. Of course, there are ones that look for an opening to destroy a marriage.
They don’t care about you being married and want to have sex with you.
Block people like this from your life. They are horrible and contribute nothing positive.
Yup. I get this too. Always seem to be from guys who want to be next in line. They want to stay on your radar in case you ever do have problems.
No man who asks you this, unless he’s your father or brother, is really interested in your marriage. They are trying to gauge whether you are willing to cheat.
Just tell them how happy you are and watch them lose interest.
its very common for people trolling for attention or sex… sadly infidelity rates are up so them shooting their shot it sometimes work
It’s a rude question in my opinion and no one with a right mind would ask such a question.
If I were to be asked this question I’d honestly would nip it in the bud so to speak and reply back ” it’s none of your business ” point blank with my best ” fuck off ” look.
You should tell them how fantastic your life is and how amazing your husband is.
Tell them It’s nice to have a man who completes me in all aspects of married life
Also tell them you are sorry they haven’t been able to do that for someone, maybe someone will come along
Put them in their place
Just block and don’t answer. Works the same way if it is in person
Oldest play in the book, they are looking for a way in.
Eject them from your life.
I would never ask a woman if they’re happy in their marriage because a married woman is off limits as far as I’m concerned.
Most of my friends are married with kids now and I’ll ask them how they’re all doing because I want them to be happy. And everyone should be happy, unless they’re shitty people who do shitty things in which case shitty things should happen to them.
As people said, they’re fishing for emotional vulnerability from you so they can take advantage of you sexually.
Not uncommon for desperate men to do this to women in relationships.
Yea they’re trying to find the cracks they can slither into.
Tell them to fuck off, that’s slimy fucking behaviour
also,
consider that it is the “norm” to post on social media of any and all sorts now.
so if they are your friends, maybe they see it as an abnormality, so they ask out of concern.
i know i (m) did ask a few of my female friends when i thought of them but saw a quite empty facebook wall
It’s possible that people are asking you if you’re happy in your marriage because they are curious or because they care about you. But if you don’t want to answer, you can just say that you and your husband are happy together and move on to a different topic. It’s okay to change the subject if a question makes you feel uncomfortable.
Are they married? Maybe they are trying to convince themselves that women just aren’t happy in marriages because their own wives aren’t aka projecting.
Those are what I call jackasses. They’re trying to spot weaknesses in people’s marriages to exploit door their own pleasure.
They’re trying to sleep with you.
because if you’re weren’t, they’d a chance of having no strings attached sex.
All the time. It’s sometimes more covert than outright asking, too. They’ll try to be sly and ask innocuous questions at first until they slide in the question more directly. It’s so annoying. You can feel it coming from a mile away 😒
Take it as a compliment and shut down the conversation.They want you. You must be hot. Never had this happen in my life.
OMG, lots of men do this to me to. They’ll ask if I’m happy in the marriage, usually they’re trying to see if imma get with them. But I notice this alot too, i think they think they can try to sleep with you. They’re tryna get in your head.
They are fishing. If you are unhappy you may be up for an affair.
They want to see if you are DTF
Dude weird ppl been dm’n me too! I don’t get it, I just block them
Give them a rude answer bc they’re testing you. It’s creepy af
It’s a line. One of the oldest in the history books of lines.
They are hitting on you.
Just hopeful hangers-on, not actual friends most likely.
Cause most of my kind are disgusting and morally irresponsible. I hate that it’s true but it is.
If you’ve previously had or currently have weak boundaries, they’re testing them. I’d recommend ignoring them or setting your boundaries with them.
I call these guys snipers. Looking to come up on a rebound. It’s a cheap trick but definitely effective.
Yep, fishing. Especially because you haven’t been married that long, they probably think there’s a chance you could call it quits like it never happened.
What pretty much everyone else has said, they are asshats! Lol. It annoys me to no end that my wife really thinks they are just making conversation. She sometimes thinks I’m just being insecure but I tell her that it is so self evident. Like someone else said oldest trick in the book. But some are obviously oblivious to it unfortunately.
They’re hoping they can convince you that you’re not, and they can get with you
I find this extremely insulting too. Like even if we fell into bizarro land and I wasn’t happy, you are THE LAST person in this universe that I’m going to want confide in. Guys that have done this exact thing to me have been labeled as idiots by me after.