based on this picture is it implied or not that the husband was not wanting to drive the house key back to his wife. this won’t be used against anyone I just want to know if I’m being gaslit

33 comments

  1. Is the husband blue? To me this reads as:

    -Blue says they’re getting the key.

    -Black agrees and asks if they’re bringing it back

    -Blue says they can if it’s absolutely necessary, but doesn’t see the point since (I assume) they’ll be home.

    -Black says they would preferably like it back, but as long as Blue can guarantee they aren’t locked out in the weather, it’s optional.

    100% The vagueness of “I prefer” would absolutely lead my husband to believe that it was optional and not required.

  2. Sound like he’s thinking your coming to get the key from him since you have your car keys

  3. Blue does not want to drive the keys back. Reads to me as “I can if you really want me to, but I’m home, so I’d rather not”

  4. Without a response back to say “I will just give you the key at home” I can see how someone may think you would be bringing the key back to them.

  5. Is this the end of the conversation? Because I see “I prefer” as the last statement; with no clarification or response from blue, I would expect the key back.

  7. Oh man why I am I overanalyzing this so much. Couldn’t she have just unlocked the door for you and taken the key away again?

    ​

    Anyway if the issue is you’re hassling wife for not knowing you didn’t want to take the key to her its not that clear at all, you sound slightly reluctant at most.

  9. It’s hard to tell intent. Did they not want to or did they not see the point? Hard to say. Why would I drive out to give you back a key if I would otherwise be home all night? Were they going somewhere that night and you wanted to make sure you were all set if you got home late?

  11. Reading this exchange I understand that the Blue person would prefer not the drive the key home, but I know not everyone interprets messaging the same way.

    Overall the communication here is pretty vague.

    Neither person has implied *anything definitively* about returning the keys or not returning they keys.

  12. Why can’t the wife take the keys back after opening the door? Unless, you weren’t home.

  13. Blue: Says they are locked out and are coming to get the key from Black
    Black: Says okay, but wants to know if they were returning the key once the door is unlocked

    Blue: Says they could return they key but really doesn’t want to since they will be home so they don’t think Black needs a key anyway.

    Black: Is hesitant of coming home to a door that is potentially locked and having to wait for someone to open the door in bad weather since they won’t have a key.

  15. What happened next? If Blue didn’t respond to Black’s last text, and didn’t drive the key back, I think Black is justified in being annoyed, since she made it clear that she wanted it back (and was doing Blue a favour in lending it). That might then shake out like ‘why didn’t you give me the key back’ ‘I said I didn’t want to’ ‘no you didn’t’

    If you, Blue, didn’t close the conversational loop, this one’s on you,

    Also in any interpretation this **isn’t gaslighting omg**

  16. Why wouldn’t you just unlock the door and immediately give the key back? Such a weird thing to be overthinking.

  18. It really concerns me that you’re talking about being “gaslit” over miscommunication. Abusers love that word. They like to pretend they themselves are the victims, so they take petty miscommunications and use buzzwords to make it seem like their victim is the abuser. If your intention here is pure, get that word out of your vocabulary and stop accusing people of abuse.

    As far as the texts go, looks like the wife would prefer to get the spare key back. As the person who locked himself out, the polite thing to do is to cater to the person helping you. If there’s a good reason not to, like inclement weather, then it’s *your* responsibility, as the one asking for help, to clearly ask if she can wait to get her key back. You did not ask that. You vaguely implied you don’t want to drive it back, which is pretty shitty when she’s helping you out.

  19. Very confusing, but it doesn’t sound like once you got the key, you were going to drive it back to her. If you were going to be home before her, I don’t see the problem, BUT if she was to get home first, how is she going to get in?

    My advice – get 2 more house keys – one for the spare set and another for the hiding spot.

  20. To me it’s not totally clear that you don’t want to drive the key back. It seems like you’re questioning if she’s coming home after work, because wanting the keys back might indicate that she has plans afterwards and might be home at an unexpected time. But in her next message she clarified exactly why she wanted them back. From this screenshot it doesn’t seem like there’s any other indication you don’t want to do what she asked, or any assurance that you’ll be home to make sure she gets in without the key.

    If this was a message between my husband and I, I’d expect him to speak up if he didn’t agree or had a better plan.

  23. Regardless of the communication lapse, unless your wife ended up locked out because you didn’t bring the key back, it’s a stupid thing to argue over. How the conversation would’ve gone if this was me and my husband:

    W: You never brought the key back like I asked.

    H: I said I didn’t want to unless I absolutely had to and I wasn’t planning to leave again so I knew I’d
    be home when you got home.

    W: But I said I wanted you to bring it back?

    H: You said you prefer. I didn’t know that meant I absolutely have to? Next time can you just tell me “No I’d like it back” if you want me to.

    W: Okay.

    Literally the stupidest thing to argue over… and think you’re being abused (??) over. I think you also need to look up the term gaslighting cause I see nothing in this conversation to indicate that.

    Suggestions to avoid future locked out/key swapping issues: get a lock that uses a code so you can get in without the key if needed.

  27. I would read it as you’re being lazy and don’t want to return the key. But you haven’t said you WON’T return the key, so if I were the wife I would have expected you to return it. Passive aggressively implying “I don’t wanna” does not equal saying that you won’t do it, so I get why your wife is (presumably) annoyed with you.

    If you really didn’t want to return the key, why not tell your wife that you were leaving your key under the mat/on top of the door/in the flowerpot? And send a photo of the key in the chosen spot, so she knows she has a guaranteed way to get into the house. That way you can be lazy, and you have provided her a way into the house.

  28. Does she work super late? How is this even an issue? How would she be locked out If the home what is even the issue. I genuinely don’t understand what there is even to be an issue here.

  31. Nobody is clearly communicating anything about what they’re going to be doing. Blue is locked out, needs a key, but doesn’t make it clear if they’re going to pick it up or want it delivered. Black said they want the key back but not if they want it back immediately or later after work. Blue gives no statement about their plans about anything, which is honestly kind of shitty if this is the end of the convo because Blue neither says they’ll return the key nor reassures Black that they won’t be locked out.

    I would say Black may be possibly being gaslit if Blue makes a habit of giving vague responses like this, especially if they then would lock out Black with no key. They could then say, “I never said I’d bring the key back,” which is technically the truth.

  32. Very confusing, he will pick up the key and she want him to return It although he implies that he will be at home or am I reading all that wrong ?

  33. How is she getting locked out when you’re going to be at home waiting for her?

    Have you ever somehow locked her out of the house before while home and not let her back in? If not, I don’t understand why she would want you to go out of your way to drive the key back to her when you can hand it back to her after she gets home.

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