I (31F) met a guy (24) at the gym about a year ago. We hung out and instantly hit it off (and instantly slept together—my idea). He made it clear from the get-go that he didn’t want anything serious because his focus was on work. His Message was clear, but we hung out almost every week that my feelings grew stronger, such that after a few months, I expressed those feelings, and he said he liked me but didn’t want anything serious. After that conversation, he got distant So we stopped talking for a couple months. Then we resumed talking and our last conversation he said he’d have more time so we can start doing more things together (camping etc). Despite that, he’s been MIA for a month. (Some background that may be helpful: we always had fun together, we had great sex (but I always initiated sex as he prioritized hanging out over sex), and he’s very committed to work (obsessed with work). Overall, I never got f boy vibes; always considerate.) I’m just confused because i understand that we weren’t dating (oops wrong sub lol) but his actions didn’t necessarily match his current conduct of “IDGAF”. I haven’t reached out and don’t plan on it but just don’t understand what I did wrong or what happened all of a sudden. Or maybe nothing happened all of a sudden because he’s always made of clear he doesn’t want to be serious? Guess just sucks because it’s hurtful and figured he’d give me an explanation if he wanted to stop talking. Thanks for listening
19 comments
Not sure cuz u seem coo af
He’s always been clear about his intentions. The only thing that changed was that you caught feelings.
Sounds kinda young for you
He just wants sex. A guy isn’t going to ghost you if he actually want to be with you regardless of a busy job or not.
We always want something that we can’t have. It sucks. Don’t know what else to say.
>his actions didn’t necessarily match his current conduct of “IDGAF”.
Not every bang friend is a IDGAF fukboi. Sometimes they actually do act like your friend, that you bang. Doesn’t mean he wants to GF you. Sorry.
>maybe nothing happened all of a sudden because he’s always made of clear he doesn’t want to be serious?
I think this is it right here.
It looks like you plowed right past this STOP sign at least twice:
>He made it clear from the get-go that he didn’t want anything serious
>
>he said he liked me but didn’t want anything serious
Perhaps he came to the conclusion that you weren’t listening, so he decided to stop talking.
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>Guess just sucks because it’s hurtful and figured he’d give me an explanation if he wanted to stop talking
This may qualify as the explanation you need.
Plus, I’m thinking the age gap (and direction) may have had something to do with it, too.
Sounds like he has other work related priorities, so I’d say just give it some time and see how he feels. Make sure you remind him you care about more than sex as well.
THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE MY F BOY HO OF 5 years. RUN. he was always nice to me, was hot and cold with me, we got closer with time more sexual attraction and connection he gave me hope and also as a bonus was always too busy for me when it comes to hanging out most of the time besides sex at times…. I cut him off recently deleted him on all socials because I realized after all this time things will never change. It will always be a mystery to me what the real reasons are but one thing I do know and I need to accept is he isn’t that into me as I wanted to believe and there is probably someone better he wants/prefers or prob can’t get over. Also could just be wanting to be single. But going into all these assumptions will only drive you crazy and make you stress obsess more so just forget about him. Move on. NEXT!
I mean it sounds like this dude was very clear with his intentions? He said right from the beginning he never wanted anything serious.
I wonder why instantly sleeping together?
Maybe you didn’t observe him and he got what he wanted?
Okay I mean when someone says not serious they rarely ever get serious period.
They are driven by sexual urge.
Your at fault
He made his intentions clear, multiple times
Please understand women get feelings by sleeping with that particular person, don’t give it away,
You were used as a hookup and that’s it
Ask him . How can anyone else know what he’s thinking.
There are some dirtbag dudes in sheep’s clothing
Bro, he was honest with you. You tried to get him to promote you to girlfriend status, but from the very beginning, he told you he wasn’t about that. You can’t be mad for not listening to him, you stuck around hoping for it to change, but he said clearly he didn’t want that, which means he was put off by you trying to force his hand.
Move on.
You initiate every time. Imagine going fishing and the lakes fish jump into the boat. I’d come back occasionally to if it was that easy.
He wasn’t going to get seriously involved with a woman 7 years older than him, especially one that repeatedly thew herself at him. You wanted it more than he did and you’re trying to convince yourself that he wanted something too even though he repeatedly said he didn’t want anything serious. When you were expressing your feelings for him, you were just emotionally dragging him down a path he didn’t want to go down and had communicated with you he didn’t want to go down. So his only recourse was to dip.
Despite what he said, his actions but really line up not wanting to get serious. I’ve notice guys do this a lot. They’ll tell you they don’t want anything serious until they’re blue in the face, but will act and treat you like a girlfriend. Then wonder why you’re attached. Not sure we’ll ever understand.
It’s literally a friends with benefits thing but you caught feelings. He’s in a stage where he’s focusing on building the best life at a critical stage (mid 20’s). Major respect to this guy for being consistently honest. I recommend cutting it off for your own sake and wishing him well. He was so considerate he took a step back since he doesn’t want to play with your feelings.