Girl with huge personality

hello, I, 23 (f) am in a conundrum. I am both desperately insecure and think very highly of myself. I haven’t been on a real date since June, but my coworkers were just trying to find someone for me to bring as a plus one to our holiday party on sunday and it was causing me major anxiety. I have a few barriers that are self-imposed.

Firstly, I am a woman with a massive personality. I would say I am loud, fun, flirty and feisty. Of my 85-ish nursing cohort, I easily make the most jokes, noise, laugh the loudest, and have a lot of connections. I think I am smart and sweet and honestly, beautiful. I am also not thin. I have an hourglass figure, just with meat on my bones. I used to weigh much more and I think this has had a lasting effect on my self-confidence. I did not get my first kiss until age 20, losing my virginity less than 2 months later with a different guy.

Essentially, I think right now I struggle with being embarrassed by the fact that I have never had a boyfriend at this age. It also just feels embarrassing to me to be single and not want to be single. I think it could be making me more selective, like I’ve waited this long for a relationship, he better be good. Quite honestly, if my first relationship ended up being my husband, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. However, I have a major fear of dating. Being alone with a man is terrifying to me. I can’t help but assume that I am acting “too much” for him, whoever he may be. I go into things already insecure, which I know is a poor trait and leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness. However, I just have a very sensitive heart. I went on 7 dates with someone who never felt more for me romantically and it took me 8 months to get over him. I am terrified of rejection. I will reject people who I like, yet am not head-over-heels with, just for fear of how things will turn out. My fear of rejection is debilitating and I just would love advice on how to overcome it.

I don’t mean to be a horn-hooter, yet my experience with dating has been me asking a lot of questions to fill the silence and not getting much in return. I am not currently on any dating apps, however I plan to join Hinge when I get back in town after the holidays. I’m just wondering if you guys have any advice. It’s hard to be so outgoing overall, yet so shy when it comes to men. And yes, I do identify as straight and I don’t believe I exhibit compulsory heterosexuality.