I’m (20F) noticing a bit of a pattern here and I’m making this post because it just happened to me twice, back to back.
So the story goes like this. I match with a dude on a dating app (in this case one was hinge, and another a less popular app). He likes me first, we match and I make a thorough comment. We instantly hit it off and realize we have super similar senses of humor. I offer a phone call to see if the vibes are really there and they are. Then cue literally 3+ hours of natural flowing conversation and we’re both laughing the whole time. Like I mean, Im making these dudes genuinely laugh, the kind that comes from your gut and you can’t catch your breath, and this is just through our natural banter.
Then comes the end of the phone call and I get “Hey I’ll be honest with you I didn’t expect to meet someone like you on an app, but honestly I think we’d be better as friends/I think I see you more as someone I’d be close friends with”
I mean obviously these guys sent me a like first so physical attraction is there, so I’m assuming that being funny is possibly a really big turn-off for guys or it’s not something guys want in a girlfriend? Maybe it’s my tomboyish behavior? Can anyone back this up or am I being delusional?
9 comments
Being funny is not a turn-off. There’s something else going on during your phone calls that’s causing the problem.
Making those guys laugh may have put them off but I don’t think that most guys would respond that way. I know I wouldn’t have.
Preposterous!
I would love my GF to be funny. Boring chicks in back of the line!
Generally as a man things go much better when I’m making the woman laugh occasionally. Neither party should be playing comedian the goal is to build attraction occasional humour laughter eases the mood but neither of you are there for the comedy.
I find women that are too often cracking jokes come across as try hard and don’t let much of any attraction build / develop. A lot of humour tend to see her more as one of the guys especially almost automatically if tomboyish.
For me a 3+ hour phone call when you haven’t met In person is too much. Alot of guys will go through it but may automatically assume you’re friend zoning them as well by doing that. The ideal call should be some banter, chemistry, attraction building and move towards setting a meeting, otherwise it’s just a friendly convo.
I don’t think you being funny has anything to do with it tbh. You being a tomboy might, since some guys like very feminine girls. I think you should just continue being yourself, you sound awesome and there are lots of guys who like tomboys who make them laugh. And tbh, you’d be better off finding someone who likes you for who you are than changing who you are to attract someone who otherwise wouldn’t be into you.
You certainly did something else in the phone call to turn him off sexually/romantically.
What men find funny about women and what women find funny about men is completely different.
Tell men punchline jokes or play on words or any standard “HA HA” jokes aren’t *attractive* when women do them.
I know I’ve found women ‘attractive funny’ when they use cute expressions or they say say something cute/funny. Men aren’t funny when they do this kind of humour that women do.
It means you weren’t right for them (which is no shame, you only need to be right for one person) and after chatting they see you as a lovely person they’re not prepared to bang and leave. Keep on being your wonderful self until the perfect match comes along. 3 hours of connection and laughter isn’t time wasted, good times don’t always end up in bed or a wedding. x
*I could understand the tomboy part. I look very feminine so I think it makes sense that the guys I attract would like feminine girls, but be super turned off by my personality*
I found that when I was dolled up on my tinder I was attracting shallow guys who I wasn’t into. So I went no make up, me in wellies with animals and a description of my personality. I got a lot less matches but the quality improved dramatically… Then turn up to the date looking super pretty and they fall in love 😉👌🏻
You are the “cool” girl. Kind of like when a guy is being too nice and a girl friendzones him. Except the genders are reversed. You are giving off a “I’m one of the bros” type of vibe.