Genuinely interested in what people feel are the biggest reasons/signs your marriage isn’t going to last. Do you think most of them are fixable? Or is it better to move forward? Why/Why not?

3 comments

  1. I think it depends on how you went into a marriage. I went into a marriage for life, if you put the work in it should last for life.

    Reading through the different subreddits, marriage relationship etc the number one thing I see is the other partner and drifts away. Whose fault is it? Can’t really tell by reading, put something happened.

    One thing I do know is people saying they fell out of love is baloney. Love is a decision you make that decision every day. Sure when you first meet and go through your honeymoon phase that love is chemical. But after a while you have to make a decision to keep that love.

  2. I honestly don’t think separation helps in the long run since so many people do it wrong because they say they need to separate and figure things out but really they never take the steps to figure things out or change like seeing a therapist or going to the gym but dig deeper into the coping mechanisms and depression that got them to the point of separation.

    Now if things are getting too much and the shituation is about to become physical or abusive then yeah step away but do the work so you two can come back together again and have changed and learned how not to repeat the past.

    Most friends I have that separated was because of physical abuse, affairs, addiction, or unhappiness…. many of these issues are root caused in childhood issues that aren’t addressed so see a therapist.

    I have seen marriages come back from the brink after a separation but that was because people did the work.

  3. I learned in marriage counseling that the big predictors of divorce are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (the four horseman by John Gottman).

    I gotta say, they’re pretty spot on. The first two just break down your soul. Getting defensive doesn’t feel good either and doesn’t solve the problem that is being poorly addressed by the first two. And stonewalling appears like you’re straight up doing nothing, which is kind of true but I get it, you’re actually just hurting too bad on the inside to make a meaningful well intentioned repair to fix any fucked up stuff that just occurred.

    On top of those communication issues, I think differences in how you want to spend time and and you wanted to be treated is HUGE.

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