For reference, my partner has mentioned several times how they want me to text them throughout the day, and if I am too busy to respond to tell them. Well, honestly I am always busy. I work a 9-5 and cannot be picking up my phone. I also refuse to use my phone when I am talking to someone or walking and they do not seem to understand that. I have improved on texting to meet them in the middle, but now I feel like they are no longer trying to meet me in the middle, but rather just what they want.
18 comments
I would hate that.
When I’m at work, I may text you, and I may text back but I’m at work so don’t expect either unless something is critical (and then call).
Your partner has control issues. This will only get worse.
I’m like that, my husband and i still text each other all throughout the day and even send selfies, even though we live together, so we see each other every day. It’s totally a compatibility thing, and they are right to not meet you in the middle, cause that would be jeopardizing their needs. That said, you don’t have to meet them in middle either. As i already said, it’s simply about compatibility and some people are sadly incompatible.
It’s a compatibility issue. Me and my partner will text throughout the day, but if there are hours where no one responds, that’s fine. We get it, we’re busy. We also won’t go into many stories over text, we save that for in person.
I’ve had people I’ve dated who will tell me their entire day over text, but that’s also fine because we had similar expectations on response times, so if someone didn’t respond, thats fine, folks get busy.
What would not work for me is if someone needed to me to respond constantly, or HAVE to tell them I’m busy. I’ll respond when I can get to it and have the mental energy.
If it doesn’t work for you now, and you’ve communicated but it keeps leaning towards a direction that’s mentally draining, I’d say cut your losses now, it won’t get better.
Had a gf like this. Demanding constant contact. It became hell. Dumped her and I felt free.
Texting or over-communicating can be a little overwhelming for someone that isn’t used to it. I believe that communication is important, but there should be a limit to how often text/calling occurs during work hours. Your partner should understand that you will get back to them when readily possible and if she’s still sending follow-up messages after that then it looks like a bad sign. It’s healthy to give each other space and have time for each other.
Me and my GF text each other every day throughout the day. Granted, we are 1.5 months into our relationship.
However, we did talk about it. We don’t expect the other to text back immediately while at work. If it’s been a while, we just pick up the convo where it left off. The key thing to note here is we talked about it and feel comfortable texting eachother anything. Neither of us second guess ourselves when texting and we both equally love talking to each other.
I learnt it the hard way that texting creates A LOTTA misunderstandings. So i avoid. Just pick up the phone and call me or come to see me at 4am but DO NOT text me or expect me to text u. Yes just hows ur day going, hows everything is fine. But nothing more than that. Its a call, or we are not talking.
I honestly am lost on this too. My last longterm girlfriend was non stop talking/texting but well, she was far from healthy.
A caring and supportive partner would understand that you are busy during a work day and not able to respond. I have sent messages and don’t expect a response right away if at all. To expect those kind of things is more manipulative and controlling than it is supportive and being in a positive relationship.
Personally, I like to text back as soon as I can if I’m free to do so. But sometimes that isn’t the case. I don’t expect my so or interest at the time to drop everything at the time other. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to talk all the time. It’s just a bad thing when it becomes demanding or too straining on your life. But you could always just ask to tone down the amount of time you talk.
Anybody who expects you to text all day is a child who likely doesn’t have a job.
Working adults just don’t have time for this and tbh every free moment you get should not make you feel obligated to text the other person.
yes because it’s just overly clingy and when they stop texting u get insecure 😭
It’s often a sign of anxious attachment style. It’s possible to unlearn it, but people who feel the need to communicate constantly with their SO find it really hurtful when it stops. I used to be like that, then entered a relationship where my needs are 100% met and BAM! there went my need for constant texting. So I’d either set reasonable expectations right now or just look for someone more compatible with your communication style.
Expecting non stop texting isn’t great. If it happens naturally then it’s amazing. But he shouldn’t expect it of you.
After going through a 3 month relationship where this was the heart of the issue, I can say this speaks to the other person’s insecurity and need for attention. You’re allowed to set boundaries and say this is unhealthy for my well-being, and someone who can’t respect that is going to push you to the point you snap or walk away…..walk away now and save yourself the constant badgering from someone who is projecting their BS onto you
I had an ex that would text me throughout the day. I I would text back constantly. We were both in college and it worked for us. Years later, I went on a first date with a cute guy. Very sweet, super tall, blond, semi-pro basketball player. After the date he started texting me constantly throughout the day. I work a professional 9-5. I was in the middle of filling out a critical form when I texted him back. Two weeks later, all our major products didn’t get delivered to an event on time because I’d mixed up the shipping date on the form. I had been distracted while texting him. Our company lost a ton of money. So after that, I stopped texting at work. He and I weren’t compatible for reasons outside of texting, so there wasn’t a 2nd date. My current boyfriend and I don’t text throughout the day. It’s one of the healthiest relationships I’ve been in. We’ve been together 1yr and 3 months. We both work 9-5 jobs that require our full attention. He’s an engineer and I work in marketing. We see each other about 2-3x per week (mostly on weekends) and we talk on the phone for an hour after work about once a week. He provides me with a full play-by-play story of his day and I do the same over the phone. Time is precious and so is your partner. So prioritize quality time over quantity of interactions. If texting all the time isn’t working for you, tell her first how much you appreciate her, and then share that because you value her so much, you want to give it 100%. You want to be fully present to her when you guys interact, and texting doesn’t allow you to do that when other things are going on around you (like work). And say, that you’re willing to try and make this (situation) work, but not at the expense of your job, or your relationships with friends and family (why you don’t text her while hanging out with your family or friends).
I’d say they were insecure and need regular reassurance.
Talk to them about this ; how impractical it is for you; reassure them; maybe Therapy would help them..