So my husband is really Really stressed financially and I’d like to help. We only have 1 car and it’s a piece of crap. It’s always having major issues and tbh it’s kind of a hazard to drive. Anyways he’s really stressed financially and I’m supposed to be starting school in March. So I’ve been doing baby sitting jobs and as I’m getting booked more I’ve offered to drive him to work so I can use the car while he’s working. He refuses and won’t let me till after his day but he’s inconsistent on when he will get home. There’s times where I’ll have a job or a meeting lined up and tell him I need to use the car to which he just says “no. It’s mine. I don’t want you to drive it. I said NO.” and His mom (I did not ask and told her I’d think about it) has offered to buy me a cheap little car and that I can pay her back whenever I can. I asked him if he’d be okay with me doing this and he just started ignoring me and wouldn’t look at me. I’m not really sure what to do. I want to help I hate seeing him so stressed but he wants to do everything on his own and the reality is he can’t. I wanted to get a job previously but he said it was too much of a hassle to share a car and not worth it to buy another. We’re moving on to a military base soon hopefully and he will be much less stressed with fewer bills and more money. Should I just wait and cancel these jobs? Or should I get the car and work and have a ride to school?
Details on the car
-no headlights (need to be replaced)
-no windshield wipers
– hatch does not work
-we live in a tropical island and there’s no AC
– driver window is stuck down permanently
– other window doesn’t open.
– gas gauge is stuck at below e and will not move despite having gas
– driver door is broke. If it opens again it’ll probably never close, will sometimes open itself while you’re driving down the road despite being locked.
– brakes work about half the time. Sometimes you press them and your foot does not stop. Usually it does. 70/30 chance they will work.
– he blames me for the brakes , gas gauge, and door despite none being my fault.
– car has not been serviced in over a year and I have no idea how it drives.
4 comments
You two have horrible communication skills together. His car is the family car and his mom is offering to help. He should be happy, and he is not. There are a lot of things happening in your relationship than just the car. He sounds a bit controlling as well. Tell him it is the family car, and you need to use it to help the family out.
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He probably doesn’t want you to drive the car because he knows it’s a ticking time bomb and would feel guilty if you got hurt
This is a form of abuse. He’s controlling your ability to work, go to school, and easily get around. You need a car and you need to name what he’s doing. Hopefully he can change his behavior and you both can have a great life, but right now he’s making bad choices