tried dating apps. after filtering through, somehow still found men who were waving red flags. got tired with dating apps and want to ditch it. but, where to find any good men these days? seems like men i met ran away when they realised they caught feelings and things may get serious.

EDIT: i don’t know what i expect to ask question here but 90% of you guys here are just asking me to choose my friends. disgusting. they’re my friends and they see me as a friend too! to whom who give me advice, i appreciate it and will try it out. thanks for your advices! <3

38 comments

  4. I could ask the same thing about women. I live in Toronto, and the women there just need one small reason to reject men. No one decides to give things a chance. Especially the attractive ones, some of them know they’ll get guys some way or the other.

  5. Seriously consider your statement then look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re someone a good man would want to be with

    It could be that you’re just unlucky, but based on tens of thousands of similar posts that have been posted here over the years when people can’t seem to find a “good” partner it’s their own fault for one reason or another

  6. I don’t mean to be rude but judging by your post history you need a good therapist, not a good man.

    Ever heard of “looking for love in all the wrong places”? Imo, this means that instead of looking outward, you should be looking inward.

  7. When I first read this I thought it was a bit funny but I re-read and I’m convinced this is very serious because I hear this a lot nowadays. First of all I assume that you belong to age group 18-28 because the main way you went through meeting people was some dating apps. Before answering I want you to ask yourself what do you mean by ‘good men’? If you have specific thoughts of what a good man is write this thoughts down for yourself. My answer is that you can find good men (and women) everywhere except your phone. Real life situations shows us the qualities of other people. Don’t be afraid to go out for a drink alone, it’s not scary at all and it really empowers you. Don’t be afraid to talk to a stranger you find attractive. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, sometimes just a “hey, how are you doing today?” it’s more than enough to get the job done. A huge percentage of the men who use dating apps is there because of how quick it is to find something but remember that nothing is compared to the real human communication. Most of the relationships created through apps are doomed to stay in a low and flat level because there wasn’t any eye contact at the beginning, there wasn’t any awkwardness. When I was a university student I used to date only through dating apps and always felt something inside of me detached. I took the very first step three years ago when I deleted Facebook, Instagram, tinder, grindr and all other apps that I was using to meet with people (for the possibility of love). Started getting out alone and worked on my flirting skills. Things started getting interesting when I finally got to unlock myself from all the things that hold me back from being and enjoying. There is no one perfect but you can definitely find very interesting and good people on the way of finding your own self. Don’t rush to make the things serious so you can be in a relationship. Relationships are built, not announced or talked into.

    P.s. I hope that you find this at least bit helpful. Sorry if its too long and for my mistakes – I’m not a native English-speaking person

  10. Everyone is asking where to find GOOD men/women.

    Well, are you a GOOD person firstly?

    Btw, I probably know the answer.

  12. You have to travel abroad if you want to find true love. Go to places like Africa or Europe. North America is fucked up with entertainers poisoning the mind of the ppl. Ppl are scared to commit because they feel like they’re missing out or something if they do. The pretty ones that is. The ugly ones are always available but I won’t settle for less so I gave up on love. If it finds me great, if not I’m cool by my lone self. 🤷🏿‍♂️

  18. We’re at home workin on ourselves. Why try chasing women when you could transmute the energy into a project, or working out, or your career. At least then you could have something to show for your effort. Average people have to go above and beyond and it’s exhausting.

  19. It’s so hard to find “good” people in general on dating apps. Maybe change your approach to dating and switch to IRL for a while

  20. What are your interests and hobbies? Join clubs, etc where you can meet men who share your interests. This will give you exposure to meet people and time to know them.

  21. I was just on a post of a guy who is 5’8 having the worst luck with respect to finding women to date. So what do you expect? Use what is available. You can go to parks and get “creepy weirdos”daring to walk up to you. You can go to a bar and wait for Chris Hemsworth to walk in and sweep you off your feet. You can get freaked out at Starbucks when a normal looking guy wants to sit down with you and have a conversation.

    A lot of this is not your fault. Women before you made this process much more difficult and basically pushed millions of men into near obscurity.

    I don’t know your economic background but if you have a salary above $75,000 would you date a man making less than $75,000? One who works as a plumber or sanitation worker or janitor? There is only so many men out there making a six figure salary and is above 6 feet tall and drives a BMW like me.

    Men settle every day. They want Hailie Barrie and settle for Daisy Smith. They want a super model or fitness guru but settle for a regular woman for marriage. It’s now time where women can settle.

  24. Luck, finding a decent and good looking man on dating apps is rare (met my boyfriend there)

  27. Well at 36 and yet not one has claimed me? So I’d say we are still not being picked! Lol🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️😅😅

  28. I’m 34F. I got out of a 6 year relationship when I was 29. Between then and now I dated far too many people from apps like Tinder. Some dudes were great but it didn’t work out for incompatibility reasons. Definitely met some d-bags too. I was exclusive with one person for a chunk of time during this period but it ended because we both wanted to live in different areas of the country (I’m American).

    Last year however I made a point to be more social with my friends, and I met one dude through a mutual friend. I thought he was cute but didn’t know him enough to think much else. Over the course of several months I kept bumping into him when hanging out with our mutual friend, we got to know each other better, I developed a huge crush on him, turns out he felt the same, he asked me out on a date, now we’re bf/gf and it’s amazing. Obviously it could turn to shit, but so far I’m real f-ing happy.

    In one way I feel I got lucky. Most of our friends in this friend group (and our age) are married or otherwise in serious relationships, and we were both one of the few single ones. But I knew him for awhile before we dated, and asked my buddy for the inside scoop before I said yes to our first date. Basically I knew what I was getting into.

    I guess my overall point is you might meet someone when you’re not expecting it, and so I’d advise you to put yourself out there socially. At the very least you’ll strengthen friendships and have a good time. And it’s definitely harder to meet other single people when you’re past college etc, but it does happen.

  29. The two most important questions.

    What type of man you’re hoping for? Everything from looks to personality.

    What kind of woman are you?

    In my experience women who struggle with dating are either unlucky or they shoot themselves in the foot

  30. It could be the men you go after.. they’re a bunch of good guys but they just get overlooked or unseen.

  31. I see a lot of seemingly ordinary and good people in relationships all the time around me. (I say seemingly because who knows what’s happening behind the scenes)

    I’ve heard the argument of women wanting to find “good men” for years and for the most part, from my perspective, I’ve seen those same women pass up on pretty cool guys for one reason or another.

    I’m curious, what red flag behaviors did some of these men portray?

  33. The issue is with dating apps as a system, and how they interface with human desire.

    As a user, you are shown dozens of people. Each person is a world of possibilities that you can imagine before you meet them. You are free to envision what a life alongside each of them would be like. You can imagine the wonderful conversations you’d have with someone who also enjoyed the same obscure film that you did! You can envision yourself joining that one on a kayaking adventure! You wonder if you could get over the fact that this third person is a smoker! You imagine what their lips would feel like mushing into yours in a kiss…

    But you can imagine all of these things *with each and every one of dozens and dozens of people*. You meet up in person, and you realize that this one doesn’t *actually* like hiking all that much, they just figure that attractive people like hiking and wanted to make sure that they seemed like a match. This other person, they are every bit as attractive as their pictures – except that they never bother putting on anything more elaborate than sweat pants and a ratty t-shirt. The next, the conversation flows well for a half-hour, and then gets dead and awkward.

    None of these would necessarily be dealbreakers… but why bother, when there are five other people you’ve seen on the app recently, each of whom you can imagine dress better, or *actually* like hiking, or can hold up a conversation better?

    It becomes very easy to imagine that the next person you meet up with might be… like this person, but a little better.

    And so the user loses the willingness to push through any initial potential-difficulty, because there are always other options. Those other options *might* not be any better than the person in front of you right now – but then again, you’ll never know if you don’t try, right?

    And add on to that how overloaded our conceptions of romance are. You want someone who is attractive to you, someone who is attractive to your friends (which bolsters your status), someone who is a friend to you, someone with compatible preferences about aesthetics and sex and food, someone whose schedule is reasonably compatible with yours, someone whose politics you don’t find abhorrent, someone whose financial situation isn’t horrible, someone who will get along with your friends and family and whose friends and family you get along with… it’s just a lot of different things that we try to align on. It’s tough!

  34. Most consider online dating to be for casual hookups

    I suggest making social female friends, see if they introduce you to single friends of theres, or male friends. This way is kinda like a referral

    Or you need to meet men thru social mutual activity, its a good way to meet dudes w similar hobbies

    I met my boyfriend one night out dancing w my friends, he was a mutual friend of hers

  35. This is a shitty sub to ask for advice as a woman. The top comment is a dude complaining about attractive women who have boundaries and standards. You don’t really want to be taking them seriously here.

  36. They’re going to be at home playing video games or helping their mama 😭 swear, dating apps are just a headache and I’m ready to throw hands.

  38. Do men who don’t cheat exists? I have lost trust on that and gave up on the fact that honest relationships are once upon a time story in the world.

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